


Dreams of Peace and Sunshine

by Scapolite



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-03-08 13:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13458882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scapolite/pseuds/Scapolite
Summary: Hi! It's me! Is this thing on? Oh jeez... there! Just wanted you to know how we're all doing ever since you left. It's a bit silly, but... hey, why not drop by and see for yourself?





	1. Day Two

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Hi. It's me again. Thank you for stopping by! I hope you'll enjoy reading this little story about us. I know you well enough to trust that you're happy out there, or at least doing the best you can. Like I'm doing my best at making sure my friends are as happy as they were around you. While you're here, why not leave us a review? I do miss hearing what you think.
> 
> Anyway, happy reading!

It was an ordinary morning, just like any other.

The rising sun tinted the windows in its gentle orange glow, fit for the melody of birds outside her window. One by one, and sometimes in couples, people left their homes wherever they wished.

Some, like Monika, preferred to stay home a little while longer. The sound of piano keys was all the company she needed. She pressed them to a tune she practiced every day, one at that point she could do in her sleep, though she scarcely remembered when she'd thought of it.

"Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you..."

Absorbed as she was in her music, Monika had neither worries nor stray thoughts to trouble her; only the notes she sang with a contented smile.

The piano responded to her in kind, supplying Monika a score to match her reality. For a moment, it seemed as if the birds outside her window matched her in harmony.

"Doki doki!"

And with that, the moment passed.

"Ah!" Monika jumped at the sound. "Who could that be?"

She closed the piano's lid, heading to her laptop with a sigh. Unlike many who wrote from the comfort of one's bed, Monika had hers neatly arranged on the desk. She had always preferred it that way, though the where and when escaped her.

"Hey, Club President! Earth to Club President!"

_Of course... who else could it be?_

Sayori's happy smile greeted her through a pink border with the "Doki Doki" watermark on the bottom left. She was a good friend and Vice President of the Literature Club. Truth be told, Monika had been skeptical at first. Her hyperactive personality seemed a poor fit for the position, but her sincerity and genuine dedication won Monika over.

"You don't have to use video chat all the time, you know that, right?" Monika smiled back.

"But how else can I see the happy faces of my fellow club members?" Sayori giggled. "Even if Yuri doesn't think so..."

"Tell me about it," Monika rolled her eyes. "It's like the mere thought of us seeing her room sends her into a panic."

"One day, I'll see it in all its naughty glory," Sayori smirked. "But then Yuri said she just didn't want to use an app so cutesy."

"And Natsuki got all pouty," Monika laughed. "Insisting that an app looks cutesy, doesn't mean it's useless. Think someone struck a nerve there."

"Then you tried to stop the argument..."

Monika sighed from her desk. "And would've failed miserably, if it weren't for your help."

"That's me, your professional ray of sunshine!"

"Never change, Sayori. Anyway, are you... at school already? Isn't it three hours early?"

"I know, I'm the only one here. That's why I brought my laptop with me, so I could print out some pamphlets. You know, for the festival and stuff."

The festival. The word made her a bit tense. Literature was still new in comparison to the established clubs; it was going to take a lot of preparation if they wanted to expand.

It reminded her far too much of how it used to be in the Debate Club. She'd hate to see her own creation fall into the same endless loop of organizational politics, but what else could she do?

The Literature Club could use more than four members.

"Don't worry, Monika," Sayori said, hugging her laptop close. "I'm sure we'll have more members after the festival."

"Right," Monika nodded. "I guess this means I'll start going. Can't be the last one to make it. Not again, right?"

"See you at the club!" Sayori waved as she dropped the call.

Monika was ready in a few minutes' time. It was another responsibility she'd learned in her position.

The day greeted her with a cold autumn breeze, sending small shivers across her skin. She'd walked these streets hundreds of times, yet the wind seemed new to her. She savored its gentle touch, but the wind passed her by far too quickly. She was left with the sunlight and the throng of people on the street.

The people around her kept walking from place to place, chatting too quietly for Monika to understand them. They all looked the same, even if outwardly they were different. One person dragged their overly excited dog around, another was buried in their phone, and far too many couples exchanged sugary, lovey-dovey nothings.

To Monika, it all felt like meaningless noise.

To escape the feeling, she turned her attention away from the crowd, and towards the only other distraction these streets had to offer: an endless stream of identical houses crowding out the sidewalk. She could still tell with a glance which house belong to whom. Faces and names she half-recalled to memory. All, save one. The house next to Sayori's.

She felt her steps slow as she approached.

There was nothing special to recommend it, no sign or decoration to suggest who it belonged to. Ordinary gray walls, a lawn left to fend for itself, and a locked door.

She stopped.

Not that the interior could provide any clues either. Thick curtains shrouded the windows in black. And yet, she found herself drawn to it.

From the drab, unremarkable house Monika felt something new, something she'd never known until she laid eyes upon it.

It was... reality. A realness Monika was unable to explain.

The sunlight reflecting from its walls was sharper. The shadows deeper, cooler in its rest. Colors were subtly more vivid, shading its surface in a way that reminded her of a pop-up book.

Then, there was the feeling itself. An insistent pulse, fluctuating in its invisible gleam as it warmed her...

"Doki doki!"

"Gah!" Monika jumped at the sound of her own phone. Frantically, she dug it out from her jacket, cursing whoever it was who spoiled the moment.

"Hey, Club President!" Sayori said in a cheerful sing-song. "Everyone's already here waiting for you. You don't have a boyfriend you aren't telling us about, do you?"

"A... boyfriend?" Monika asked, confused by the question. "Never mind, I'm going. I just had a... distraction."

"Distraction, huh?" Sayori said. "I see. It's okay, I'm sure you'll be here any minute now, hee hee."

* * *

The rest of the Literature Club were sharing a conversation when Monika arrived.

"So anyway, the new Parfait Girls issue had this cooking contest scene..." Natsuki talked with Sayori when the latter noticed Monika.

"Hey, you're here!" Sayori ran up to Monika. "You sure kept us waiting, President."

"Indeed," Natsuki said from behind a desk. "We almost started without you. You should really take your position more seriously. What were you doing for so long?"

Natsuki scowled and crossed her arms, looking like a pink ball of pint-sized (if somewhat cute), frustration. Monika paid it no mind, writing it off as a defense mechanism she'd brought from home. Monika always felt that Natsuki never actually liked anyone anyway, simply tolerated them on some level.

"Sorry, sorry," Monika smiled. "I was just practicing piano and lost track of time."

"Practicing piano?" Natsuki shifted her eyes. "That doesn't make sense... since when does this school have a piano? It's something else, isn't it?"

"Let it go, Natsuki," Yuri quietly said from the walk-in closet. "If Monika says she's been practicing piano, that's what she's been doing. Don't be invasive."

"Fine," Natsuki grumbled. "I'm just saying, don't be surprised if it turns out she had a secret foreign boyfriend all this time."

_Foreign?_

Monika sometimes envied the overactive imaginations of her friends. Still, she sighed in relief. Yuri sticking up for her, mature as ever. That was Yuri, always reliable despite the anxiety she went through. She and Natsuki were worlds apart in that sense, another distraction that likely didn't help.

"I made cupcakes for everyone, you know," Natsuki murmured.

"And we ate them all!" Sayori was quick to add, still smiling.

"All?" Monika asked. "What about mine?"

"Oh..." Sayori nervously giggled. "You see, I kinda... ate those too. I'm sorry, I wasn't going to at first, but they were just so inviting with their delicious frosting, I couldn't help myself and took your cupcakes. You understand, right?"

Somehow, Monika could tell Sayori enjoyed them far too much to feel any guilt.

"At least this means we could move on to reading right away," Yuri placed a book on her desk. "Monika, can I talk to you for a bit? I kind of need... help."

Monika saw no harm in humoring Yuri's request.

"What is it?" Monika sat across her. Yuri's gaze darted from Monika herself, the towering stack of manga on the desk, and Natsuki.

"I'm just... making sure she isn't going to overhear us."

"Why?" Monika gave her a coy smile. "Are you going to confess your feelings to her?"

"What?" Yuri turned away, her face redder than tomatoes. a"Of course not! I-I mean, I'm... not like... and... uh..."

Monika laughed inwardly. Yuri was always too easily startled. Leave it to Yuri to find new and increasingly adorable ways to react.

"it's okay, silly," Monika teased, poking her on the nose with the tip of her pen. "What do you need help with?"

"I know we promised to read something from each other's interests, but..." Yuri gave Monika one of the manga issues. "I've read all of this, and... I just don't like it."

Although Monika was not as well-versed in manga as some people, she still recognized its cyborg protagonist and the knight friend standing beside him. Skimming through the pages, Monika couldn't recall the abundance of chubby-proportioned characters that stared back at her. She was surprised to find so many slice of life scenes between its new cast, in what she thought was an action series.

"Did Natsuki really pick this for you?" Monika put the issue back on the table. "Isn't this an action manga with some horror bits?"

"Yes," Yuri clenched her hands together. "And at first, I enjoyed it. It built its world in a fascinating manner, confronting issues similar to real-life, and the scene with the... chimera in particular took my breath away. But then..."

Yuri paused, struggling with what to say next. Her eyes shifted left and right, as if waiting for Monika to encourage her. Monika gave her a nod so she could continue, but that did nothing.

"Go on, Yuri," Monika said.

"But then it abruptly stopped being any of that. It devolved into a countless series of fight scenes..."

"Uh huh."

"And all the inserted humor started to significantly clash with the atmosphere..."

"I see."

"And the antagonist turned out to be a boring brute with a confusing motivation..."

_Wow. When Yuri says something is confusing, that has to mean it._

"All of it just... overrode my enjoyment of the earlier parts."

Yuri stopped speaking, giving Monika an indication to chime in.

"So you liked it at first, then didn't?"

"That's it, yes..." Yuri put her arms behind her back. "And I don't know... how to say it to Natsuki. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know she picked this because it had things I'd like in it, and I... don't want to ruin that."

Yuri's eyes visibly struggled to keep from meeting her's. Monika closed her eyes and sighed internally at the thought of having to push Yuri's speech any further.

"You want to say this as gently as possible, right?"

"Exactly," Yuri pressed her left arm on the table in a manner harder than necessary. "It's embarrassing that I have to struggle so much with nice things to say, because..."

Yuri kept her hand firmly on the desk.

"I want to be Natsuki's friend. I don't want our differences to always put a rift between us. She could have easily picked something overly cutesy, instead she thought about what I would like. I need to... respect that."

Monika carefully thought of what to say next. She found Yuri's speech to be unnecessarily dramatic, but with Yuri it was nothing new. Of course, had she said any of this to Natsuki, she'd no doubt escalate things into a shouting match. Being as polite as possible, though, would look disingenuous, as if she was talking down to a child.

_What to do, what to do..._

As Monika contemplated her next move, Yuri patiently waited for her. Without saying a single word. Without changing her expression. Just waiting.

_She sure is patient..._

Monika blinked. She didn't think of what to say next yet, but she expected Yuri to at least ask her to hurry up or say something. Instead, Yuri showed no signs of breaking eye contact as the seconds dragged on.

_Jesus, this is awkward. I better say something already._

Even if she wasn't sure what that was, she forced herself to continue.

"Look," Monika began. "Natsuki clearly picked this for you. The drama, the fantasy setting, the horror, all picked to appeal to your tastes and sensibilities. So if you say you don't like it, that might hurt her feelings."

"However," Monika raised a finger. "Going out of your way to avoid saying that will signal to her that you don't trust her. Natsuki is many things, but stupid isn't one of them."

"Moderation is the key," she continued. "Speaking in a natural manner, focusing on the positives, and briefly mentioning the negatives is a good strategy here."

"And that's Monika's Writing Tip of the Day!"

Yuri looked embarrassed, staring at her with a puzzled expression.

Only then did it occur to Monika that she might have overdone things a bit. She wasn't talking about writing after all. Still, ending her advice that way made her feel nostalgic.

"I, um... I understand," Yuri gave an awkward nod. "I'm going to talk to Natsuki after we're done sharing poems."

Yuri's hand twitched.

She pulled her hand back, as if on instinct. Monika took notice of the gesture. The moment Yuri realized that she had, she buried her eyes in her hair.

"Yuri, is everything alright?" Monika asked. She was concerned now.

"Yes," Yuri said firmly. "I'm fine. I just need to..."

"Hey, everyone!" Sayori suddenly spoke up. "It's time to share poems."

"Kya!" Yuri almost jumped. "Don't... shout out of nowhere like that."

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt anything?" Sayori smiled coyly. "I just really want to know what you all wrote today."

Monika had just remembered that with all the excitement and piano practice, she hadn't actually written anything.

"Uh, I'm a bit of a goofball here," Monika said. "I forgot to write anything for today. Some President I am, huh?" She laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"Are you kidding me?" Natsuki shouted. She stood up from her desk, glaring at Monika. "Not only do you have the nerve to show up late, but you didn't even write your own freaking poem? I don't know if you noticed, but this is a Literature Club."

"It's okay," Sayori soothed. "I'm sure you'll turn up with something tomorrow, right Monika? In the meantime, wanna read what I made for today?"

"Sure," Monika nodded.

Sayori beamed as she handed her poem to Monika.

* * *

_Play-Doh._

_I love playing with Play-Doh._

_It's my favorite thing to do!_

_It's sad, because it has no shape._

_And I'm here to fix that!_

_I can do anything with my Play-Doh._

_I can shape it into a cloud._

_Or a little happy kitty._

_Or a beautiful amethyst._

_I want it to be bright and happy._

_That's why when it falls apart,_

_I'll be there to play with it again._

_My hands are now deep red._

* * *

She thought the poem bland and tonally confusing. Still, Sayori must have had put some effort into it, which was worth recognizing. She knew she had suggested some level of honesty with Yuri, yet didn't feel like being honest herself.

"It's good," Monika handed the poem back to Sayori. "Very on the nose. And kind of... bittersweet."

"Yay, the President likes my poem!" Sayori jumped excitedly. "It finally happened!"

_Finally?_

Strange, she couldn't remember not liking Sayori's poems before.

"He he he..." Sayori smiled awkwardly. "My mind says weird things sometimes. Don't worry about it."

Sayori pointed Monika towards Natsuki, who had been approaching Yuri with a book in her hand.

"Why not read Natsuki's poem next?"

"Yeah, why not," Monika shrugged. "Hey, Natsuki! It's time to share poems!"

Natsuki turned to Monika, then back to Yuri. She repeated the motion, unable to pick.

Ten seconds of staring as everyone waited convinced her. She gritted her teeth before Natsuki settled on Monika.

"Fine, we'll talk later," Natsuki said to Yuri before handing her poem to Monika.

"Here," she said. "Just read it."

* * *

_Slim Paper._

_Paper should be slim._

_Everyone knows that._

_Slim paper fits on shelves better._

_Slim paper is easy to stack._

_And to slide into a printer._

_Thick paper is bad._

_It's icky to handle._

_And it's too heavy._

_It's useless for writing._

_And useless for art._

_Look at cardboard._

_How gross it is._

_How shameful._

_Nobody wants to be like that._

_Least of all me._

_That's why I'll kee_ _p my tiny form._

_That's why I'll keep my soft texture._

_That's why I'll keep tearing myself apart._

_So I could be slim for his sake._

* * *

"Well?" Natsuki tapped her foot impatiently, staring over Monika's shoulder as she read. "What do you think?"

"Laying it thick as always," Monika caught herself mid-sentence. "Pun not intended."

"Is that all you have to say?" Natsuki's tone was equal parts irritation and disappointment.

"Are you even taking this club seriously anymore?"

"I have no excuse," Monika plainly stated. "I'll try better next time."

"Sigh," Natsuki shrugged, voice soft in defeat. "At least you showed up. And I..."

Natsuki swallowed.

"I kinda need help with something."

"Really?" Monika noticed Sayori and Yuri were busy discussing their poems.

She turned her attention back to Natsuki. Remembering her talk with Yuri, Monika had a pretty good idea where this would go.

"Is it about the book?"

"Yeah," Natsuki clenched her fists. "I don't like the manga I gave her myself, but at least I thought she would. What was Yuri thinking when she picked a novel like this?"

Natsuki showed Monika the book. The smirking monstrous clown on the cover made her instantly realize what it was. She was hardly surprised in Yuri's choice of literature, but picking it for Natsuki was something else. "Oh. A horror story. Here I thought she would pick something... slice of life-ish for you?"

"Yeah!" Natsuki quickly nodded in agreement. "She knows I hate horror, and yet here we are. I hate this novel, I really, really hate it."

"But you can't say that to Yuri, can you?"

"What do you think I am, some toxic, childish brat?"

Monika would prefer not to answer, but Natsuki waited for her to say something anyway. It stumped Monika. She could explain Yuri's patience with her anxiety, but why would Natsuki wait for her like that?

"Uh... I don't think you are a toxic childish brat, Natsuki."

"Thank you," Natsuki averted her eyes. "So I need to tell Yuri this in some flowery sugarcoated language so we wouldn't end up yelling at each other."

"Because you care about her, right?"

"D-don't get the wrong idea!" Natsuki tensed up immediately. "It would just be really bad to start an argument today, because of... well, I'm just... on edge lately, thanks to..."

Natsuki suddenly stopped talking.

"Thanks to what?"

"Never mind that. Just help me find the words for this trash."

Monika still wanted to know, but she dropped the issue anyway.

"Okay. Let's start with specifics. What did this book have that upset you?"

Natsuki stared at her silently, as if struggling to speak.

Sayori was the first to notice, her conversation with Yuri seemingly finished.

"Natsuki?" Monika asked again with concern.

"It's parents," Natsuki said quietly. "Abuse."

"Oh..." she managed, as the implications were beginning to sink in.

"Yeah. I know this one. Almost every book by this guy has that kind of theme somewhere."

"You can't drop things like that without warning!" Natsuki was shouting again, clearly waiting for a say it. "This is why I hate horror. People who don't live through this tickling their nerves don't get what it's like to...nevermind."

Monika's thoughts raced. Yuri obviously wasn't trying to make Natsuki upset was she? Given the talk they'd had, she doubted it was intentional.

Was Yuri trying to relate to her?

While Natsuki waited for an answer, Monika had an idea. She'd misread the problem. Moderation wasn't going to work. Monika knew Natsuki was someone too blunt and honest for Yuri's approach.

"Look, Natsuki," Monika began. "Yuri didn't mean to hurt you. She thought you'd appreciate something that relates to your experiences."

"But..."

Monika cut her off. "Please, let me finish. Regardless of Yuri's intentions, this still hurt you. And you need to get that across. Explain how it made you feel honestly and clearly. Yuri didn't understand, and didn't mean to cause you pain."

"Fine," Natsuki turned away. "I'll try. After we're done sharing poems, anyway."

"Right," Monika saw Sayori walking away from Yuri. "It's my turn again."

"Yuri?" she sat down next to her. "Doing okay?"

"Yeah..." Yuri nodded. "Still preparing myself to talk to Natsuki about the manga. My mind keeps telling me how Natsuki will despise me..."

"She won't," Monika smiled. "Trust me."

"Thank you," Yuri handed her the poem. "Here."

* * *

_The Hunter._

_Stories tell of a hunter, determined, brave, and true._

_Stories tell of his rifle, that could pierce a bear's heart._

_How long I sought for someone like him._

_For someone to slay the beast haunting me._

_Yes, he will be the one to set me free._

_In his home I feel the howling of the brilliant storm._

_His past conquests stuffed on the walls._

_His fierce eyes, without a flicker of fear in them._

_I explain to him the task, and he smiles in return._

_No beast is too fearsome to me, he says._

_He takes my hand, I show him his prey._

_The monstrous animal cornered at last._

_I should be brimming with happiness._

_I should stand triumphant._

_Why then, are my heartbeats so heavy?_

_Why can't I just let him shoot?_

_He raises his rifle._

_My breath sinks._

_He takes aim._

_My teeth grind._

_He pulls the trigger!_

_At the last possible moment, I push him out of the way._

_The beast, now emboldened, feasts on his flesh and spirit._

_The hunter's bloody mortified face now gazes into me._

_I fall on my knees, for I can't say a word._

_A vicious cycle that never ends._

_Without a choice, I slice the bread._

_And I feed myself again._

* * *

It was about what Monika expected of Yuri. Always full of vibrant language and symbolism Monika needed several readings to get. Guessing what Yuri's poems are about were frustrating, but Monika always had a few ideas anyway.

"So, this is abo- huh?" as soon as Monika took her eyes away from the poem, Yuri was away in the corner standing in front of Natsuki.

"About the manga... uh..." Yuri began speaking.

"What?" Natsuki waited for her to finish.

Yuri looked around as though she were an animal caught in a trap. Her lips moved, but she was silent.

Her knees shook. She was breathing heavily, quick gasps starving for oxygen.

She clasped her trembling hands, nails digging into her palms.

Natsuki stared at her friend with naked concern.

"I mean, I..." Yuri pulled her arms back. "I'm sorry. I can't do this!"

Yuri ran for the door, but Sayori stood in front of her, barring her means of escape.

"Yuri, where are you going?" Sayori said innocuously. "We haven't even talked about the festival yet."

"I..." Yuri did her best to steady her breathing. "I just need some fresh air, that's all."

"Yuri," Sayori's voice became softer. "Your therapist called. She says you didn't show up yesterday. What happened?"

Monika felt the tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife.

She spared a glance at Natsuki , who looked as concerned as Monika felt.

"Why... would she call you?" Yuri asked flatly. "You don't have any right to be involved in this."

Sayori stood her ground.

"She couldn't reach you, so she called the emergency contact. That would be me."

"And... you never told me?" Yuri's hands twitched. "Sayori, how... how could you? You set me up!" she screamed in her face, pushing as hard as she could to get her friend out of the way.

"Yuri, what is your problem?" Natsuki stepped in. "Sayori is just trying to help."

"Excuse me..." Yuri turned to Natsuki. "My problem? This is between me and the therapist, and other people should not barge in!"

"Barge in?!" Natsuki clenched her fists. "If you hadn't dodged your therapist, we wouldn't need to 'barge in'!"

"I'm not dodging my therapist! I'm just... just... this isn't any of your business, okay?!"

"Wha..." Natsuki was taken aback. "How dare you?! First you give me this horrible traumatizing book, and now this? Is this how you treat people trying to help you?!"

"Yuri, please..." Sayori tried to speak.

"Stay out of this!" Yuri cut her off. "H-horrible? I gave you something that relates to you, and this is how you react?!"

"You sure 'related' me into a panic attack!" Natsuki stepped closer to her. "I gave you something that you would like, and you gave me that exploitative junk!"

"Something I would like?" Yuri's left forearm twitched. "I don't recall liking disappointing endings!"

"How... how snobbish can you get?!" Natsuki screamed. "You get something made for you, and you still find something to complain!"

"I suppose it would look snobbish for a child like you!"

"You wanna talk about children?! Let's talk about someone who can't walk two streets away to solve her egomania issues!"

"Egomania? Egomania?! Is that what it looks like to an obnoxious daddy's girl who can't grow up!"

"Yeah! Go on! Cut as deep as you can! Why don't you show us how you got so good at that?!"

"How about you never show up again instead?!"

Yuri closed her mouth at the sight of Natsuki, mouth agape in shock, tears streaming down her cheeks, eyes bloodshot and wide. She seemed to be struggling to speak, but Monika only heard her softly whimpering.

Sayori stood between them, her eyes meeting Monika's.

_How did it end up like this..._

"I didn't mean..." Yuri whispered.

Natsuki pushed Sayori out of the way. Before anyone could catch her, Natsuki was gone through the corridor. Yuri fell onto one of the desks, clutching her head in shame.

"Not again..." Sayori quietly said.

"I didn't mean it..." Yuri spoke over her tears.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it," Sayori patted her head. "Just breathe, okay? I'll walk you home tonight and we'll relax. Does that sound good?"

"Yes..." Yuri sobbed. "I just need... to be alone for a few minutes first."

Monika watched it all from the sidelines, wondering if she should have stepped in. It all happened too fast for her to react, and although she knew her friends weren't normally like that, a nagging feeling of deja vu could not escape her.

"Let's go, Monika," Sayori took her hand.

"Oh, right," they both left the classroom. Sayori closed the door behind her, but only partially, keeping just a tiny gap for herself to look over.

Yuri grabbed her left forearm to keep it from twitching. Briefly, she reached for her bag, but then Yuri noticed the door wasn't completely closed.

"Some Vice President I am, huh?" Sayori turned to Monika. "I'm supposed to make everyone happy, yet look how it's all turning out."

"This isn't your fault," Monika said. "No one could just show up and magically calm these two down."

"Right," Sayori bitterly laughed. "No one indeed."

A few minutes after, Yuri exited the doorway. She took Sayori's hand, and the two left the corridor. Monika was left to her own devices.

She looked around at the club room, empty and devoid of fresh emotions. Wonder. Sharing. Friendship. Differences. Resentment. Anger. Fear. Hatred.

None of which meant anything to Monika.

In her mind's eye, she saw the house again. Unremarkably beautiful in its simplicity.

For a moment, the classroom seemed to fade around her, an illusion that gave up the attempt to be real.

Monika looked around at the stack of manga, the scattered pens and paper on their desks.

She shook her head, dispelling the thoughts like cobwebs.

It was empty now, but they'd be back tomorrow, laughing and talking, maybe even arguing. But it would all come back to her.

Yet no matter how much she tried, Monika could not remember why that was.

_Why do I care about some house? My friends are in pain. I should be helping them._

_But how can I?_

_Who am I to help them?_

_What am I?_

_Just some president of a silly hobby club._

_I'm not qualified to deal with something like that._

_But even then..._

_Shouldn't I be helping them?_

Monika's thoughts came back to the house once again. Even if no one lived in it, as far as Monika could remember. Sayori never mentioned anything about it, pretending like it never existed. It was just some house. Nothing more. Just some house.

_Someone lives there, don't they?_

_They must be._

_It's too clean of a house to simply be abandoned._

_Do I... know them?_

She tried her damndest to recall any such memory. Her mind, indifferent to her efforts, drew a blank, over and over. Her head felt as if it had been filled with cotton, fuzzy and heavier than it should. Yet Monika did not stop trying to get a memory out of it.

Eventually, a silhouette appeared in her mind. Featureless, the dark silhouette of a person. Where were they standing? No, not standing. they were Sitting. down, across a wall of glass. Smiling warmly at her.

_Must have been just... some dream._

_I should get home._

Monika left the classroom and closed the door. It was getting late. And a bit cold.

 


	2. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Oh dear, that didn't go as well as we had hoped. But hey, every first pancake is a mess or however it goes... I think I saw that phrase in Yuri's book once? Nevermind, I'm just being silly. And don't worry, I'll help my friends as much as I can. I already have, actually. But you know, it'd be a lot easier if you came back...

 

The afternoon came and went, passing the girls by before they knew it. Even Natsuki, who tended to be easily distracted found herself staring at the setting sun in a daze.

Time seemed to fly when having fun; an apt statement for her in particular, even if she'd have wanted it otherwise. No matter how much it might pain her, no matter how hard it was to open that evening door. Still, open it she must.

She couldn't afford to make her father suspicious.

As soon as she stepped outside the house, she looked back, to get one more glance back, one more. Then she would go, she told herself. To the yells and the accusations.

If only she could stay for just a few more minutes. If her eyes could meet with his one more time; those beautiful gleaming eyes she could get lost in. The warmth of his gaze warming Natsuki to her toes.

"You can come over anytime, okay?"

His voice reverberated in a thousand warm whispers, caressing her troubled thoughts. No longer she would feel like a victim of her father, or like an outcast among her peers. If she could forget about all of it, and just make the warmth hers...

He said she could come over anytime... could it mean he felt the same way? Someone so radiant had chosen to share his light with her? Not Yuri, not Sayori, and certainly not Monika. Natsuki. Just Natsuki.

She could resist the call no longer.

Natsuki needed to do something, anything to make him hers, as close as she possibly could. She pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his chest, holding him as close as she could. Under the light, she could no longer see his face. But it didn't matter. The world could shatter like glass, but it could not stand in the way of her happiness; her light.

"I've felt it... for a while now..."

* * *

"Gah!" Monika opened her eyes. "What..."

Monika found herself standing in the school corridor, just outside the classroom of her Literature Club.

"Was I... daydreaming?" Monika pressed a hand to her head.

Everything felt so real. The vision of the house, the rush of emotions, the voice she heard... if anything, the corridor she was standing in felt less real at that moment. Even so, Monika knew it had to have been a dream.

Dreams often featured impossible or improbable events, and Natsuki being with a boy fit that description like a glove.

Monika shook her head. It was a weird daydream, nothing else. Just Monika's overactive imagination playing tricks on her. She just had to stop thinking about it before she ended up late again. The girls wouldn't be happy about that.

She opened the door to the classroom.

Monika was treated to the sight of Natsuki in an apron over her uniform. Judging by the pink-tinted scissors in hand, Monika could tell cooking wasn't her intent. A confused-looking Sayori sitting in front of a mirror confirmed her suspicion.

"Sayori, just sit still!" Natsuki groused as she cut the girl's orange hair in one hand while she held her by the ear with the other. Not that it seemed to help much.

Sayori shifted in her chair, jerking her head as the impromptu barber snipped at her tangles. The more she'd move, the more frustrated her charge became, exacerbating the latter's frustration, and the tension on Sayori's ear.

"Sayori!" Natsuki missed yet another cut thanks to a yawn from her charge. "We'll never get this done if you don't stay still!"

"Natsuki, I'm ok, really. I don't need a haircut."

"Yes you do! Your head looks like a hedgehog, any worse and you'll get picked on!"

Natsuki turned her eyes away. Monika guessed her follow up would be a denial of some sort.

"It's not that I care or anything, but... it shouldn't happen... to anyone."

How predictably adorable. Or adorably predictable?

Last time Monika checked, she wasn't involved in a Hairdressing Club. This warranted questioning. if only to satisfy her curiosity. And get the mess of orange tangles off her floor, damn it.

"Hey, girls, why are you doing this here?" Monika asked.

"Hi!" Sayori waved to her. "Don't ask me, he he, I'm just Natsuki's cute and innocent hostage."

"She won't go to a barber," Natsuki plainly stated. "So I have to do this here and now, or else she'll continue looking like a Kuriboh."

"Like a what?" Monika asked.

"Nevermind," Natsuki resumed her work. "Just please, Sayori, don't move and this'll be over soon."

When Natsuki was determined, there seemed to be no stopping her. Resigning herself to the fact, Monika sat at her desk to watch the scene unfold with bemusement.

Half an hour passed while Monika sat, Sayori fidgeted, and natsuki snipped, then snapped.

"Fine! Just forget it, this hair won't cut anyway." Natsuki growled. With an angry flick of her wrist, she sent the pair of scissors skittering across the table, walking off with a huff.

Finally free of her tormentor, Sayori stood up from her chair, scratching at her head. Not that Natsuki's efforts made much of a difference.

A lock snipped here, a side cut there, an attempted trim on the front, they did little to improve her messy splits, nor the dandruff sticking to her scalp. The view did give Monika a glimpse at something different, however.

Under the taller girl's bangs, twin ink-black rings encircled around her eyes.

It would explain Sayori showing up earlier than everyone else yesterday. Under that light, it suddenly made more sense to Monika.

"Sayori, are you getting enough sleep?" she felt obliged to ask. "You look like someone who doesn't."

"Of course I..." a yawn invaded Sayori's setence. "I just slept in a little later than usual today. Writing a poem while preparing stuff for a festival can really be exhausting."

Monika wasn't sure about that explanation, but before she could think about it further, another question intruded on her thoughts.

"Where's Yuri?" she darted her eyes around the clubroom. Yuri was nowhere in sight.

"Not here," Natsuki picked up a broom. "Least she could do is apologize before abandoning us. I mean..."

Sayori lowered her head.

Monika could not gather the effort to do the same. What Yuri did was her own business, wasn't it? Not that she blamed Yuri. After yesterday's argument, would she really feel like showing up just to get yelled at some more? Monika wouldn't show up after that either.

"I mean, the nerve she got," Natsuki busied herself in sweeping leftover hairs from the carpet. "Telling me not to show up again, and then ditching us herself."

"I hope she's okay," Sayori said quietly. "Just this once."

_I guess I'm not the last one. That's new._

Natsuki wasn't talking. Instead, she continued to tidy up the classroom.

Neither did Sayori, whose eyes were focused on the door, her smile replaced with a look of resignation.

It was in the midst of this silence that a realization crept into Monika's mind. A simple fact she should have thought of earlier. Without Yuri, the club no longer had four members...

Disbandment.

Monika's club, her creation, where she had sunk so much of her time into, and quit the Debate Club for, couldn't even get off the ground? What would that say about Monika to the rest of the school?

Incompetent. Foolish. A little girl who crumbled under pressure the moment she got a taste of adult responsibility. Someone who isn't even remotely ready to be an adult. A joke. A failure.

She would make a laughingstock of the entire school.

The Debate Club would never let her hear the end of it.

No one would take her seriously ever again.

Monika had decided to act, before it was too late.

"We've got the festival to prepare for, right?" she announced. "We might as well focus on that right now."

The festival.

If she could just get new members at the festival, Yuri's absence would no longer be a problem. Maybe they could even get someone who actually talked in complete sentences.

_Yuri might never show up again..._

A small spark of guilt had emerged. Before being a member of her club, Yuri was also her friend, wasn't she? What if she'd really left the club for good, and wouldn't come back? All because Monika hadn't done a thing to prevent it?

_No. This isn't my fault. I'm not her therapist._

"Yeah, the festival," Natsuki had just finished cleaning up. "And thanks to Yuri, we got a lot more work now."

"Thanks to Yuri?" Monika asked.

Natsuki put the broom away, next heading for her backpack. Or, rather, the huge plank of wood next to her backpack. She shoved it on a nearby table with what strength her petite body could afford.

"That's our decorations," Natsuki declared to the classroom. "Well, our sign."

"How... abstract," Monika noted.

"Yuri was supposed to make this into something today," Natsuki bent down and opened a small drawer. Inside, the first thing that caught Monika's eye was a large canvas, followed up with buckets of lilac and scarlet paint neatly stowed away. Last were the brushes with elaborately designed strokes that took up the remaining space. Monika didn't need to be a mastermind to take a guess at who'd prepared the supplies for them. Still, she scratched her head over one question.

"When did she bring all of this?"

"What?" Natsuki looked at Monika as if she'd just disproved gravity as a concept.

"You told her to do that, remember? You assigned her to decorating, me to cupcakes, and Sayori over there to pamphlets. Don't tell me you forgot already!"

_I did?_

Natsuki looked up from her position with a scowl.

Monika had recalled talking to Sayori about the pamphlets for sure, but assignments? She must have done it the day before.

_The... day before?_

Monika's temples throbbed. Her head felt heavy, as though bearing the weight of a stack of dictionaries coded in concrete.

_Did I? It feels like I..._

"I.. uh... huh?" Monika's head swam with fuzzy, indistinct images, trying to cohesively picture her discussing festival assignments with the girls.

_Oh, right. I did, didn't i?_

In a moment of clarity, the pressure lifted from her consciousness, as had her prior thoughts. "What was I talking about just now?"

Natsuki sighed in resignation.

"The decorations," she said slowly. "Someone needs to do this sign, because Yuri clearly will not."

"Oh..." Monika lowered her eyes at the empty piece of wood. "Can't you do it, Natsuki?"

Natsuki gave Monika a cold look. Then, without taking her eyes off her, Natsuki got herself a sheet of paper and handed it to Monika.

"What is this?"

The paper had what Monika could only describe as a mess of pink paint all over it, forming a vague shape of a six-legged horned creature with a dripping mouth full of sharp pointed teeth. The monster was preparing to pounce on some off-page threat, or at least that was how Monika interpreted it.

While Monika struggled to grasp the pink abomination's true form, Natsuki waited in silence. It became clear to Monika it had been left to her to speak up.

"What is... this supposed to be?" she dared to ask.

"A cat," Natsuki stated, her annoyance clear to see. "Look, I can't draw, okay? I tried." The petite girl shrugged, one fist clenched in frustration.

"I see," Monika carefully put the pink nuisance away.

_Well, Natsuki's out of the picture here. Quite literally, in fact._

Monika sighed, imagining what Yuri would have made in her place. Something intricate, but beautiful, complex, but elegant. Yet for all her imaginings, all it did was remind her of the club's absence. No point dwelling on something you can't imagine anyway. Maybe if Monika picked the brush herself... if it was anything like Photoshop. She could do Photoshop.

Dealing with actual physical paint was a whole different story.

So if Natsuki couldn't draw, neither could Monika. And Yuri was a no-show, that left her with one solution available.

"Sayori?" Monika took deliberate steps to Sayori's desk. "Can you draw?" Monika kept her tone low "I'll do the rest of the pamphlets for you if you'll do it?"

Sayori kept her back to Monika in silence.

"Hey, Sayori?" Monika walked in front of her. "Can you hear me?"

"Huh?" Sayori shook her head. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was, uh, daydreaming."

Monika could not escape a nagging suspicion.

Something was wrong.

Usually Monika remembered Sayori as the person who would jump at the chance to help, and say something along the lines of: "Yuri just needs to think this over, she'll show up later, don't you worry!"

Something else had bugged Monika, though she couldn't put a finger on what, yet the feeling remained persistent. Something was wrong.

Like a counterfeit painting, a copy precise to the casual eye. Yet it's flaws would only stand out further to the trained artist.

An artist no longer there...

Or was it more like...

"Hey, Monika," Monika felt a hand on her shoulder, faintly shaking. The contact roused her from her musings.

Sayori weakly smiled. "What if we just make a simple sign? We don't need it to look like much, we can impress people with other things. It's like... you know, it's the inside that counts."

"I agree," said Natsuki. "We don't need anything complicated. Maybe just the words "Literature Club" in pink text on a white background..."

On the one hand, a simple sign solved the problem of Yuri's absence. On the other hand, the thought of the sign turning people who would have joined away just because of its silly simplicity...

Monika recalled a certain truth about leadership and compromise.

"Fine," she forced herself to say. "We'll do a simple sign. Keep the decoration minimal. After all, we're all about reading, not decorative extravaganza."

"Finally, someone gets it," Natsuki treated her to a smile. "Maybe it's for the best that Yuri didn't show up."

"Natsuki..." Sayori softly said.

"What?" Natsuki clenched both fists. "What else am I supposed to think? She barely ever talked, the one time we tried she gave me that horrific book, and then yelled at me for being concerned. So yes, I'm not too sad that she's not here."

"She's not a bad person..." Sayori whispered so quietly, only Monika heard her.

"Are we making this sign or what?" Natsuki placed her hands on her waist. "We ain't got all day."

"Not me," Sayori took out her phone. "I gotta do... important stuff. Yeah."

Before the others knew it, Sayori left the room.

"Monika, can you paint the sign white?" Natsuki got herself a stack of paper. "I gotta practice writing with paint for a bit."

_That needs practicing?_

As long as Monika got the easiest part, she saw no need to complain. All she had to do was splash white paint absent-mindedly across the board, simple. So she sat, watching Natsuki from the corner of her eye.

Natsuki drew the words on her gargantuan stack of paper, and each time she threw the paper away dissatisfied. Her hand trembled with each stroke of the brush. The letters ceased to be coherent seven papers in.

Twelve papers later, the words were reduced to thin smears of paint. Crooked, where unsteady fingers had left their marks.

After the twenty first paper had been torn, Natsuki buried her face in the table and screamed, the sound muffled under her trembling fists.

"Natsuki?" Monika left the board out to dry. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong!" Natsuki snarled. "This is just hard to do, okay?"

"Writing two words with paint is hard?" Monika said without thinking, facing Natsuki's angry glare.

"You can decorate cupcakes, I'm sure you can do this too..." she added, hoping for reassurance.

Instead, Natsuki's lips parted, trembling as all too wide eyes searched the room for every direction but Monika's. Once she'd assured herself they were indeed alone, she looked back at the club president with a sigh.

"You haven't seen those cupcakes..." she said softly. "Neither did Yuri, actually... Sayori ate hers too. Wanna know why?"

Monika waited for Natsuki to continue, but she stayed silent.

"Why?" Monika asked quickly, not wanting a repeat of yesterday.

Natsuki's shoulders slumped, fists at her sides finally losing their tension. "I couldn't... I couldn't make them," Natsuki forced the words out, each syllable deliberately pronounced as if she'd stop at any moment.

"I tried, okay!" Natsuki shouted, pink eyes wet with tears.

"I tried again and again, but they would always end up a mess! Sayori offered to eat them all, so you wouldn't have to see..."

Natsuki's face twisted, trying as much as it could to hold back any more tears.

Monika was taken aback.

She'd never seen Natsuki like this. Something must have happened. Was it, Monika theorized, about the thing that made her "on edge" yesterday? Monika knew she needed to ask, but didn't know how. Natsuki wouldn't give her a straight answer without some attempt to deflect it.

Monika couldn't stand by and do nothing either. Yuri was missing, now something was eating at Natsuki... Her club was falling apart, piece by piece. She needed to do something. If she didn't act quickly, not even the festival could save the Literature Club.

"Natsuki," she spoke gently now, as gently as she possibly could. "Please tell me what happened, I promise I won't judge you."

The pink-haired girl stared at her blankly, cheeks dampened.

"No matter what it is. I'm here for you, as your president, as your friend."

Monika dared to reach out a hand.

"No, it couldn't be you," she whispered. "Fine."

Natsuki didn't take it. Her flat expression had been replaced with one of guarded suspicion.

"You know how my dad is," Natsuki began. "Sayori also kinda knows. So does... sigh... Yuri. But no one else does."

"And yet, somehow a social worker showed up to our doorstep."

"She asked to talk to my dad."

"I was in my room and had no idea about any of this, until..."

Without warning, Natsuki's body spasmed with tremors.

"Until she left."

Monika dared not ruin the moment in speaking, keeping still as a leaf.

"My house has crappy insulation, I could hear him getting closer to my room."

"He thought I 'ratted him out' by calling her here..."

"But I didn't do that! And I have no idea who did!"

Again without warning, Monika felt Natsuki's hand painfully squeeze her's, pink nails digging into her palms.

"He thought I was lying so he..."

"He..."

"Hey, everyone!" Sayori showed up at the doorstep. "It's time to share poems!"

"Gah!" Monika jumped. Natsuki pulled back her hand as though she were a startled cat.

"When did you come back?!" Natsuki shouted.

"Just now!" Sayori smiled. "You were talking about something, don't worry, I didn't hear a thing!"

"If you say so..." Natsuki pouted. "Wait, we're going to share poems... without Yuri?"

"Yuri needs some time to think," Sayori cheerfully said. "She'll be here tomorrow, I promise."

"Good," Natsuki looked away. "Well, not 'good' good, but... you get it. She needs to apologize."

Sayori moved to read Natsuki's poem, as Monika tried to swallow what she had heard from the latter.

_Someone called a social worker for Natsuki's house? Who could do that?_

Monika didn't know Natsuki's address. And as far as she knew, neither did anyone else at the club. Could the school officials have done it? They would have talked with either Natsuki or her dad themselves first.

_Her dad seemed to think Natsuki had done it, but she has no memory of it._

_Much like Yuri had no memory of writing Sayori as emergency contact..._

"Hey, Monika!" Sayori derailed her trail of thought. "It's your turn! I worked hard at this poem, I hope you'll like it!"

"Oh?" Monika shook her head. "Oh, okay."

Sayori handed her a piece of paper.

* * *

_Dear Moonligh **t**._

_You s **h** ine through my blinds  **e** very ni **g** ht_

_To be always there at my s **i** de._

_Tucking me in soft **l** y to sleep_

_An **d**  staying with m **e**  when I can't._

_You're trying so har **d** , I know._

_I trust t **h** at y **o** u p **u** t in your all._

_But the **s** ky will nev **e** r be blue._

_**I** t's no  **s** ecret, not to me  **a** nd you._

_Yet you never stop g **l** owing._

_You never stop try **i** ng._

_Is it because you f **e** el bad?_

**_You know, for killing the sun?_ **

* * *

The first thing Monika noticed was the way the poem was written - messy, smudged, often difficult to decipher with the ink stuck between the lines.

The last line in particular was written like someone had dumped an entire puddle of ink onto the paper and scribbled it in after the fact with a dull pen.

"Sayori, what did you write this with?" Monika had to ask. "An actual feather?"

"A ball pen," Sayori scratched her head. "I kind of fell asleep mid-writing, and the pen stayed on paper, ha ha."

"Wouldn't it be simpler to rewrite it then?"

"That's too much work," Sayori pouted.

Monika was going to disagree, but decided to drop it. She had her own poem to share anyway. She just had to open her backpack and...

_Huh? Where is it?_

Monika searched through the pockets, every single nook and cranny. When that failed to produce results, she resorted to dumping all its contents on the floor: textbooks, pencils, a lunchbox, and a piano manual, but no poem.

"I could have sworn I wrote it," Monika put the spilled things back in one by one. "I'm serious."

"It's okay, Monika," Sayori faintly smiled. "You're the President and all. You get a lot more work..."

"My turn," Natsuki had lightly shoved Sayori aside. "Monika, I don't care how lazy you are, I worked hard on this one."

"So," Natsuki gave Monika a piece of paper. "Read it now."

* * *

_Good Guy Mask._

_I'm always safe no matter what,_

_As long as I have my Good Guy Mask._

_No one knows me when I wear it,_

_So they can't see what I am._

_When my wallet gets too big_

_From all of that I stole_

_I hide behind my Good Guy Mask_

_And tell them that I've earned it._

_It forms a smile when I can't_

_And makes up all the pretty lies_

_So my ugly self stays hidden_

_Out of sight and out of mind._

_One day she saw my nasty face_

_Before I had my mask on._

_So I ended up smelling of blood_

_And they were at my door._

_I tell them it's just ketchup_

_They buy it, and they leave._

_Thanks to my trusty Good Guy Mask_

_My secrets are still safe._

* * *

"It ends rather abruptly," Monika voiced her first thought. "What's it about?"

"You don't have a clue?" Natsuki folded her arms. "After all I've told you?"

Monika did not know what to say. She'd read the poem again, and again, yet all she could see were clumsy text. Pointless text. Meaningless poems. What was the point? Why did Monika make them write all of it?

It wouldn't solve their problems.

It wouldn't make them better people.

Wouldn't tell her nothing she didn't already know.

What's the point of voicing feelings, if they had no way to be solved? Why waste time dwelling in empty exercises of expression?

Was this what she could expect out of new members too? Endless squabbling and thin-veiled pity parties?

Was she the only one who had it together in her head?

She had to be.

Monika was nothing like Natsuki or Yuri. Even if she was, she was sure she could have kept it to herself.

But how could they? Someone tried to help them both and messed up badly.

Monika glanced aside and found her eyes meeting with Sayori's.

"Monika?" she smiled. "Why don't we talk about the festival?"

_Who could have done it?_

"I'm sure you can help with decorations as well as Yuri, Monika."

_Sayori's number was written as the emergency contact for Yuri, but that can't be done without the patient's consent..._

"Or... or you could help Natsuki make cupcakes!"

_Natsuki's dad blamed her for calling the worker, but no one else could have done it..._

"And... and... I still have some pamphlets left to be done!"

No more distractions.

Monika had to know.

She had to know the truth.

"Sayori, we have to talk." Monika grabbed Sayori's hand. "Privately."

"Wait, what is this abo..." Sayori was dragged outside. All the way down the hall, and through the first empty classroom Monika could find. Only then did she let go of Sayori's hand.

"Monika, come on, you're acting weird," Sayori rubbed her hand. "If it was something important, we could have just talked in the clubroom."

"No," Monika locked the door behind her. "We couldn't."

If they were still at the clubroom, Monika was sure Sayori could have found a way to use Natsuki as a distraction. But if they were alone, there was no way Sayori could dodge the questions.

"Uh oh," Sayori giggled with a blush on her cheeks. "I feel so naughty all of a sudden."

Monika clenched her fists. How could Sayori joke around in such a situation?

_Calm down. I can't lose control that fast._

"Look," Monika said firmly. "Weird things have been happening around here and I think you know about them more than I do."

"Jeez, you sound like one of those paranoid detectives in Yuri's novels," Sayori giggled again.

"I think you mean 'paranormal detectives'..."

"Same thing, isn't it?" Sayori shrugged. "But I think I know what you're going to say."

The tone of Sayori's voice changed. It sounded more confident, but less bravado, more sincere. The relief of no longer having to commit to a facade. Monika became even more convinced she was on the right track.

"You do, do you?" Monika said.

"You think I somehow wrote my number in Yuri's emergency contact," Sayori spoke nonchalantly, the confidence of one stating a fact. "And you also think I called a social worker to Natsuki's home."

_She did it?_

The words had sunken into Monika. Hearing Sayori state all of it before Monika herself had said anything, confirming each and every one of her suspicions.

_Oh no... she did it!_

"I could deny it again, but you never listen," Sayori walked around the classroom with her back turned to Monika. "You were always so stubborn, you know that?"

Monika was stumped. Just once she thought she had all the answers, but confusion crept into her mind yet again. She hadn't had the faintest clue of what Sayori was talking about.

There were so many questions Monika wanted to ask Sayori. But only one came through.

"How?"

"Trying to explain is a waste of time," Sayori stood by a window. "Trust me, you won't get it."

"Wha..."

"I'm just going to answer what you'll ask next," Sayori interrupted her. "That would be... why."

Monika could not deny she wanted to know that too.

"To help them, silly," Sayori stated bluntly. "Why else?"

_Help them?_

Monika thought of the betrayed look on Yuri's face.

And Natsuki's helpless struggle to do a simple task.

"You call that helping?" Monika yelled back. "You made everything worse! Yuri might not show up here again, and Natsuki is too traumatized to do anything!"

"Be honest with yourself, Monika, why are you really asking me this?"

Monika felt the tables turning.

"What... do you mean?"

"You say you worried that Yuri won't be here anymore, but why's that really?" Sayori turned to her halfway, her right eye staring directly at Monika.

"I..." Monika gagged, trying to form a word. "Yuri is... Yuri is my friend, I'm worried about her."

"Are you?" Sayori turned around completely, and leant her back on the window. "You know, if she doesn't come back, the club will only have three members. I wonder, how long will you keep it up before the school board finds out?"

"Wha..."

Monika had sunken like a rock in a deep ocean.

_How... how could she know..._

Everything was wrong.

That wasn't the Sayori she knew. The cheerful Sayori who was always her friend would never say something so venomous.

"And Natsuki..." Sayori smiled, but not in a way she usually would. Not the kind, if slightly mischievous smile she had before. An expression to match her honey-laced poison.

"And Natsuki can't do anything. If she keeps this up, she won't be able to make cupcakes for your event. And that would be just terrible, wouldn't it?"

Monika backed off. Her head felt dizzy. Sayori's words echoed in her, suppressing any attempt at a rebuttal.

"Without decorations and cupcakes, no one would show up," Sayori stepped forward. "The event would be a failure, and the club..."

"Oh dear, it would have to get disbanded."

With each of Sayori's steps, Monika felt piercing pain in her chest.

"Come on, do I have to spell it out for you?" Sayori walked past Monika, to the closest shelf.

Sayori leant her shoulder on it, which caused a box of crayons on it to shake.

"You're wrong..." Monika gasped, her eyes closed shut. "That's not how I feel!"

Monika pressed her hands against her ears. The sudden jerking motion of her arms shook the shelf again, sending the box off it. Sayori stepped to the right, effortlessly catching the box in one hand, not bothering to look back.

"See, that's what I mean about you being stubborn," Sayori put the box back from behind her with a light toss from her shoulder. "You never cared for the truth, even when it was right in front of your eyes."

The words cut like a knife. Yet, Monika could not possibly accept any of them.

"You lie!" she shouted from the top of her lungs.

It was a lie.

It had to be a lie.

That wasn't Monika. That shallow, sociopathic monster couldn't be her.

Even if she could not deny it, that did not make it truth.

"On the contrary, this is the most honest I have been in a while," Sayori spun around on her heel to face Monika. "It feels good, you know."

"Why would you say this..." Monika spoke quietly, a faint sob breaking through her words.

"Because..." Sayori gently placed her hands on Monika's wrists. With a soft pull, she moved them away from her ears.

"Because I want to think you aren't like that," Sayori smiled, but this time it was sincere and warm. "That you want to help your friends as much as I do."

"That someone like that can exist within you, somehow..."

Monika opened her eyes. Sayori held her hands right in front of her, smiling with hope.

Helping her friends...

It did sound nice.

Monika cursed herself for entertaining such banal, materialistic concerns. Festival? Who cares about the festival if her friends weren't having fun. What's the point of new members if Monika couldn't even keep the ones she already had? Her friends?

Sayori was right. It was all too shallow to think that.

"I'm glad we're on the same page," Sayori let go of Monika's hands. "You'll do your best to help them tomorrow, right?"

"Right," Monika promised, smiling back.

"Good, then my job here is done." She giggled, cheeks dimpled with laughter. "I think I'll try leaving things to you this time."

"Wait, wha'"

"Just, don't go to the house, okay?" Sayori said. "You won't find any happiness there."

_The... house?_

"How do you..."

A tingling sensation swam through her skin, making her shudder in discomfort. She closed her eyes momentarily.

Opening them again, there was no sign of her friend. She looked around the empty room in confusion.

Sayori had left her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued.


	3. Day Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hello again. I know we haven't left in the best of terms. I did some things that hurt rather than help. I didn't mean to... but when do we ever mean to do bad things? I'm sure you didn't mean it when you left us either. It's not easy to always be good... or to ever be good.

Monika opened her eyes.

She sat in the clubroom that no longer felt like her own.

The walls were drearier than she'd remembered. Her posters seemed as static as the empty smiles plastered on their frames. Had the room always been this empty?

When did it all go so wrong?

The piercing, twisted feeling in her gut told her it didn't have to be this way.

Yet, somehow, her mind told her a different story.

She looked to the left. Natsuki sat hunched on her desk, silently looking down and refusing to meet anyone's eyes. She submerged herself in the pile of her manga, like a makeshift fortification. In fact, Monika could remember that Natsuki had arrived first specifically to do that.

To her right, Yuri stood in a corner, pretending to be interested in the empty chalkboard. Absent-mindedly, she drew spiral patterns with the chalk, its screeching sound assaulting Monika's ears. She showed up late, even after Monika, and the whole time she didn't even say a word.

All the while, Sayori's desk remained empty since yesterday.

Looking out of the window didn't help Monika either. A sky that had once felt so bright and welcoming now looked gray and bleak. No one she could see was walking outside, no couples sharing hands, no excited children or happy pets.

Empty.

All empty.

When had it all gone so wrong?

There was a time. A better time. Each of them smiled at each other, shared moments of trust and friendship, when the sun shined brighter than ever, and they all had something to look forward to.

What was it?

What was missing?

Something essential to them.

Monika tried to recall how they even met. Her mind drew a blank.

But that was impossible.

They had to have met somehow.

Over something.

Such different people, such conflicting personalities... to what end were they together?

"I must have brought them all together..." Monika whispered under her breath. "And now I can't even do anything."

Sayori said she left things to me.

And then she hadn't show up.

What had yesterday all been about, anyway?

No matter how she attempted to make sense of Sayori's behavior, it just left her with a headache.

_What is happening..._

Monika buried her own head in her arms. Her thoughts weighed heavily on her mind; her headache worsening as the minutes crept along.

What was she supposed to do? This wasn't a feel-good children's book where which she could just tell them to be friends and the sunshine would magically come back.

Her friends were in pain.

Always her friends, always in pain...

What about her pain?

Would anyone ever care about Monika if she just... ran away? Would anyone even miss her?

To run away to a place where she didn't have to live with all the expectations of a club leader, with all the pressures of a friend...

Maybe, even be at peace?

Monika closed her eyes. Whatever happened, rest wouldn't hurt. It wasn't like anyone was interested in club activities anymore.

"Monika..." she heard a voice. An echo. A pleasant, soothing sound.

She had heard it before, in her daydreams. The same vivid voice that addressed Natsuki.

"I choose... Monika..."

Her heart raced as she opened her eyes.

* * *

Monika was no longer at her desk.

But standing in a circle. Yuri to her left, Natsuki to her right. The room, once gray, dull, and lifeless, brimmed with light and happiness, all of which came from him.

Him? Her? They? It?

Monika could see it.

A thousand shapes, a thousand forms, a thousand voices. Each distinct from the last, all confined to a single spot. All of them shared one and only one trait.

They were beautiful. Beaming with brilliant light, they invited Monika with its warmth. A feeling overwhelmed her. A feeling of triumph. Finally, finally he was hers. No one else's. No one would have him. Just her.

The others still looked like him with clear hope in their eyes. They must have not heard him clearly. He chose Monika. Not them. And whatever it took for that to happen, was all worth it.

_Who were they kidding?_

_They didn't deserve him._

_They weren't even real._

All it would take was a step forward. To press her hand against his cheek. To look into his eyes. To be with him, forever and ever, and ever and ever and...

The light, coming from him shone ever brighter until it enveloped her sight.

"Monika!"

"Aah!" she jumped at the sound.

* * *

Back in Monika's world, back in the gray room, a thunderstorm crept its way outside. The warmth she felt faded as quickly as it appeared. She was back in the same room of people, none of whom wanted to be there.

Monika thought back to her daydreams. What if... they were something more?

In the dreams, the girls were happier once.

Even, it seemed, had she.

Monika couldn't help but wonder, was that the secret, the missing part, the reason why they became friends in the first place?

Over another person, one whom they couldn't even remember anymore?

Monika hesitated to even think of what she had seen as a "person". He, they, or whatever it was, it seemed too warm. Too beautiful. Too good.

Like the house next to Sayori's.

She warned Monika not to go there. But why?

If something there could help them, could make them happier, then they should go there, shouldn't they?

"Someone else was here before," Monika said aloud. "They... knew all of us. They made us happier. And for whatever reason, none of us can remember them."

What she had said seemed too bizarre for her to be true, but at that point, it wouldn't be the most bizarre thing to her. Not with Sayori's strange behavior as of late.

Then it hit Monika like a lightning strike.

_She knows!_

_Sayori knows!_

Monika couldn't explain it any other way. The person behind the visions, the one who likely lived in the house next to Sayori... Sayori must had known everything.

_Bizarre... far too bizarre..._

But by then, she could no longer deny the explanation. Sayori claimed she was trying to help them, but there must have been more to it. Instead of playing Sayori's game, Monika chose a different option.

She chose to get to the truth, whatever it took to get there.

"Let's think about this... If Sayori remembers, maybe the others could too? Maybe if I make them remember, I'll get my answers."

* * *

Monika had made up her mind. Yuri was the first person she approached.

"Yuri?" she stood on her left. "Can we talk?"

Yuri silently met her eyes. Then she quickly caught a glimpse of Natsuki, still buried in her manga. Satisfied that Natsuki paid no attention to her, Yuri looked back at Monika.

"About what?" she said with quiet indifference.

Monika took a deep breath. She had to ask in the most neutral way.

"Do you remember why you first showed up here?"

Immediately Monika regretted the word choice.

"What... kind of question is that?" Yuri hid her arms behind her back, bafflement clear in her expression. "Monika, what are you implying?"

"Sorry, but please, please bear with me," Monika tried to maintain composure. "I'm not accusing you of anything. Just, do you physically remember? That's what I'm actually wondering."

"Even if that is what you mean," Yuri looked away. "That's still a really weird question. Obviously, it's because..."

Yuri looked away. Her face relaxed, indicating a deep thought. She turned her back to Monika, then focused on the chalkboard. Monika could see the signs of an incoming tremor by the way her hands trembled.

"I..." Yuri quietly said. "I don't remember..."

"That's weird, isn't it?" Monika said to her. "You spend your time here... almost every day. You should remember, shouldn't you?"

"Yeah... but my mind is not giving me anything..." Yuri pressed her hands to her temples.

"Here's another weird question," Monika stepped closer. "Did you ever... date anyone?"

Yuri's face quickly turned scarlet.

"Of course not!" she shouted, so loudly even Natsuki raised her head from her manga for a moment.

"How could you even suggest such a thing?!"

Her hands wildly flailed about as if trying to catch something only she could see. In a better situation, she would have found her behavior endearing, perhaps cute.

"I can't even look at boys, let alone talk to them or date them..."

"And... and.. this isn't even the time to talk about this..."

"I never said it had to be a boy..." Monika observed.

Yuri's blush deepened.

"Nevermind..." Monika sighed. "Look, I think something weird is going on. Haven't you noticed? Sayori somehow is your therapist's emergency contact. You never listed her as such, have you?"

"I... have not..."

"Exactly."

"What do you..."

"And you can't remember what brought you here either."

"Uh..."

"Do you really don't see anything wrong with that?"

Yuri's only response was to stare blankly at Monika. Clearly, it indicated a change of approach. If only it wasn't so frustrating...

"Fine," Monika shook her head. "Can you at least talk to Natsuki? You two have been at this silent act for hours, and I need my club to actually function."

"No," Yuri firmly replied. "I'm not talking to her unless she apologizes first."

If there was ever a time Monika wanted to yell at her friend, it was then. It was a miracle of patience she decided not to.

"Okay. I'll talk to her and see if she wants to apologize."

Yuri went back to her chalkboard drawing as Monika approached Natsuki.

"Natsuki? Can we talk?" she leant her head forward to see Natsuki's face.

"I'm not apologizing," she said without a glance up from her manga.

"Huh?"

"This isn't a big room," Natsuki mumbled. "I heard everything."

"Oh..." Monika scratched her head.

_What an idiot I am..._

"Look, is this what you want to do from now on?" Monika sat down next to her. "The problem isn't going to just go away if you sulk at it for long enough."

"I know," Natsuki put down her manga. "Don't treat me like a five-year-old!"

"I'm not treating you like a five-year-old," Monika said as slowly as possible. "I'm just trying to keep my club together."

"And that's your problem!" Natsuki folded her hands, a scowl firmly pressing down her lips. "It's all about you. Your club, your festival, your everything! None of us wanted to go to that festival, yet you insisted! You don't care about us, you just want your damn club!"

"That's..." Monika looked away.

_Exactly what Sayori said._

"Not true..."

Something was boiling from inside Monika. She had already heard it all from Sayori. How she was selfish. That she only cared about her club and nothing else.

But Monika knew that sometime before, she cared about something else. Someone else.

Whatever made her forget, still stood in her way.

She wasn't going to have it.

So she grabbed Natsuki's arm out of the manga pile and physically pulled her from the desk.

"Hey, what the hell?!" Natsuki yelled. "Let me go!"

Then, Monika grabbed Yuri's arm next.

"W-wha..." Yuri was too confused to react in time.

Monika made both of them sit down on an empty desk nearby. Then, while under the watch of their bewildered eyes, she found a chair for herself.

"Now..." she sat down. "You won't leave this room until you talk to each other. Just each other. Without me. I'll just be sitting here silently. This way, it's not about me, or my club, or anything else."

"But..." both of them said in unison.

"No buts," Monika shook her head. "You talk right here, right now. Yuri, you start."

"W-why me?" Yuri sheepishly said.

"Because I randomly chose you."

"Oh... okay."

Yuri's eyes darted back and forth. Natsuki didn't look at her, just staring away in a disinterested manner. Monika, however, stared dead straight, and eventually Yuri collapsed under pressure.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered under her breath. "I didn't mean to lash out at you. You were just trying to help, and I said all those horrible things..."

Monika watched Natsuki's reaction. On the surface, there was nothing different. She still had her arms crossed and refused to meet Yuri's eyes. From seeing that nothing had changed, Yuri started to sake.

"And I'm sorry... about the book too... I didn't understand how serious your situation was..." Yuri buried her face in her hair, no longer looking at Natsuki.

Yet still, Natsuki's face did not change.

_How stubborn can you possibly get..._

As much as Monika didn't want to intervene, she wanted to see an another round of awkward silence even less.

"Natsuki," Monika said quietly. "It's your turn to speak."

Natsuki pouted.

"Natsuki..." Monika repeated.

Natsuki turned her head away.

Monika resisted the urge to sigh. Just putting them down to talk didn't seem to work either. Monika had to say something. Something drastic.

"Look, you think you were trying to help," Monika said. "But so was Sayori, when she called that social worker to your house."

Natsuki's eyes went wide.

"Sayori did that?!" she shouted. "How do you... how did she... urgh!"

Natsuki slammed her hands on the table hard enough to make Yuri jump.

"This is what I mean!" Natsuki shouted. "I would have loved if a therapist could just solve my problems! If I could just go and forget about all of this!"

"Natsuki..." Yuri whispered.

"That's why I can't stand when you refuse that! Why, Yuri?! Why?!"

"It's not that simple..." Yuri said under her breath. "A therapist doesn't do it like that... I wouldn't have to walk away if they did."

"So you did avoid your therapist," Natsuki groaned.

"I went through five therapists," Yuri looked away in shame. "None of them did a thing to try to understand me."

Yuri's hands shook again.

"They told me I was messed up, that I was just some freak who made her problems up to seem 'edgy' and 'different'... The thought of dealing with another one like that... I just couldn't."

"See, Natsuki?" Monika said. "She's afraid of being judged. That's why she didn't go. Is that so different from you?"

Natsuki lowered her head. For a second Monika thought she was going to yell again, but Natsuki was quiet.

"I..." Yuri meekly spoke. "I chose that specific book for the same reason. I thought someone understanding what you're going through, even if it's an author from far away you will never meet... would be nice."

"I was wrong," Yuri added. "I'm sorry. I said all those horrible things to you... I'll understand if you don't want to be my friend again..."

"Stop it," Natsuki shook her head. "Just, stop it. Stop being so mature and considerate!"

Natsuki poured on and on without a care. Something about it made Monika smile. She had a feeling that her efforts finally started to bare fruit.

"Fine, I'm sorry, okay?! I jumped into something I didn't understand. Not every issue is the same, and I'd hate if the same happened to me."

"That is really mature of you, Natsuki. People say I am mature, but I could never say that with such certain confidence..."

"Pffft, tell me about it. At least you've got the mature body down, I look like someone's kid sister."

"If I called you that Natsuki, you'd punch me across the room. You look cute, but you don't let yourself be taken advantage of. I'm the one who crumbles under pressure," Yuri looked at the other girl with envious eyes.

"Hey, I'm the one who gets to glare at people. It's like, my thing," Natsuki chuckled.

"Okay? We're fine now?"

"Yes..." Yuri nodded.

They both shared a moment in silence, which quickly erupted into synchronized giggles.

She did it, right?

They were getting along, finally.

Yet still, Monika felt nothing but emptiness, without a clue as to why. She should have felt good. Her friends were happy. Wasn't it what she set out to do in the first place?

"Hey..." Yuri turned to Monika. "I'm also sorry for not showing up yesterday. Here's the poem I wrote for it."

Yuri handed Monika the poem.

* * *

_A Million Words._

_I want you to write a million words._

_A beautiful, brilliant million words._

_Write each letter in perfect cursive,_

_And never repeat yourself,_

_For the words that you make_

_Must be always unique._

_Your every day, your every night_

_I want you to be at your desk._

_Writing for me page after page,_

_Every bit of paper spent,_

_Until the final letter is reached,_

_And you have made a million words._

_If you run out of ink,_

_Or your pen just breaks down,_

_Get a new one without a blink._

_For if you ever pause your task_

_My world will burn into a crisp_

_Before your very eyes._

_Should there be no more pens,_

_A pencil just might do._

_If all the pencils are gone,_

_Scratch the paper with your nails._

_And should you break them all,_

_There is still no need to worry._

_One more way to write exists._

_One more thing you can give me._

_The liquid of your spirit,_

_The fuel of your heart,_

_The red flow within your veins,_

_And the source of your life._

_Here, let me help you get some out,_

_Do not cry, it only hurts for now,_

_You never needed it anyway,_

_You only live for me._

_So dip your finger in this blood,_

_And just keep heading forward._

_Just a few more left to write,_

_I tell you this painful lie._

_When your lifeless husk has fallen down,_

_And your eyes closed for one last time,_

_I didn't have the heart to tell you_

_That you weren't even close._

_You tried, and that's what counts._

* * *

When Monika finished reading, Yuri and Natsuki hadn't paid her any attention to her. both Instead, they immersed themselves in their company.

"You're right," Yuri nodded to Natsuki. "We don't need saving."

"Yeah, of course I'm right," Natsuki proudly raised her head. "We don't need this, we don't need people invading our lives trying to 'fix' us. As long as we're alive, we're going to be okay, you know? Someday..."

"Yeah..." Yuri smiled at her. "We can figure out our own paths, without condemnation and without judgment. As long as we stay on our paths, they will eventually... get better."

"Yup, yup," Natsuki smiled back. "We don't need all this festival crap or some boy to 'save' us or some other dump crap like that. We just need to be ourselves."

"Yes... and then we can be happy."

_They cannot._

Monika thought that before she knew it. Certainty rested within her. They could not. All they would do was feel confident for a day, then go back to being themselves. Their bickering, uncooperative, self-destructive selves.

_They won't even listen to me anymore._

Monika was sure of it. They forgot about everything - the inconsistent details, Sayori's actions, their own memory lapses... it all went away in favor of a momentary escape.

_Was that all my club has been to them? A distraction from their miserable lives?_

_Has anyone ever taken it seriously? Like I did?_

_What was the point of all this?_

Monika stood from the desk. She wanted to run away, but she kept her composure in front of the others. She had no idea where she would run to anyway. Her club was everything to her.

Everything.

And she lost it in a heartbeat.

Trying to bring up the festival would had been silly at that point. Without the festival - it'd only take one person not showing up one too many times, before the disbandment.

Disbandment.

Abandonment.

The end.

Monika shuddered. Yuri and Natsuki took quick notice.

"Monika?" Yuri asked. "A-are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Monika walked away from them. "I just need some time to think."

While she was preparing to leave the clubroom, she noticed a backpack left on the floor.

_Sayori must have forgotten this._

Monika picked up the bag on her way out, only then noticing a piece of paper sticking out from one of the pockets. The urge to respect another person's privacy lost out to her curiosity, so Monika slowly opened it, cautious of anything Sayori-related.

The paper turned out to be a poem. From first glance, she could tell she'd never seen this particular poem before. She gave it a read...

* * *

 _The gilded **h** ouse is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a li **e**. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a l **i** e. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house i **s**  a lie. The gilded house is a lie. _ _The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilde **d**  house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. _ _The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gild **e** d house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. _ _The gilded house is **a**  lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilded house is a lie. The gilde **d**  house is a lie._ _The gilded house is_

_The._

_Gilded._

_House._

_Is._

_A._

_Lie._

_No matter how much it allure **s**  you, resis **t**  its call._

_No matter how much it promises, do not he **a** d its wa **y**._

_No matter h **o** w much it hurts, never open that door._

_No matter how m **u** ch it shines, there is only dea **t** h inside._

**_But I know my words won't reach you._ **

**_Won't be the first time._ **

* * *

Monika tore up the paper as furiously as she could. She was more sure than ever before - Sayori knew everything and was hiding it. She knew what the house was about, and the person living inside it. The person they all knew, the person who made them all happy. She knew and kept it all in the dark.

"Why?!" Monika shouted into the corridor. "Why are you doing this?!"

Her scream resounded through the empty walls, but the silence went unanswered.

Her mind ran wild with thoughts. Her daydreams... in which they all were happy. Why would Sayori want to take it all away?

_Of course._

_She wants to keep it for herself._

_That's the only explanation!_

Everything inside Monika boiled with fury. Sayori did those half-assed attempts to help others, yet kept true happiness hidden, just so she would have it.

Monika rushed out of the corridor, out of the school, sooner than even she knew it.

Sayori's house was her destination.

To find the truth and put and end to all of it.

The outside greeted Monika with the howling of the rainstorm. Every single house, every space on the road, were empty without as much as a light. Water poured down her head, forcing it to cover her eyes. The weight of the water crashed on her shoulders. Her knees shook, wanting to just drop and forget about all of it.

But she stood firmly and raised her head. The dark, thick clouds had covered the sky without a shred of empty space.

Monika took a step forward.

The roaring wind swept through the empty street. It knocked signs, displaced turned off traffic lights, and shook the trees.

Monika took another step against the wind. The dust flew into her eyes, making her blink.

She opened her eyes to a flash of golden light. In a moment's notice, the dark street in front of her gained light and color. She saw Natsuki smiling while leaving the shining house, her hand held by that person...

In another flash of light, the street became the classroom. On the floor, Yuri sat with a book, and that person... was sitting next to her, so close, as if they were kissing...

Yet another flash, and the classroom became an unkempt bedroom with a torn calendar on the wall. That person was right in front of Monika, locked in a hug with Sayori.

One more flash, and Monika was back on the clouded stormy street. Tears had ran down her eyes.

_That person... he made everyone happy, somehow. Yuri. Natsuki. Sayori too._

Yet from a prior vision, Monika knew he had chosen her. No one else. All those wonderful warm feelings, all belonged to Monika. Just Monika.

No matter how in pain her friends were, she felt nothing. Helping others, making her club, all were nothing but distractions. Her feelings, her real feelings, she had only known when that person was there.

_Sayori will not keep him from me!_

No matter how hard it was, Monika took the steps forward, bit by bit, one by one. Every identical house to her left and right, she passed them all. Even if the rain made it impossible to see forward, she remembered the path like the back of her hand.

Forward.

She just had to go forward.

Then all of it would go away. No more fear of disbandment. No more dull afternoons of broken people who had no reason to be there. No more festival paranoia, no more ambitions of grandeur. No more pointless escapism.

She would be happy again.

For a fleeting moment, she thought of the others. How happy they could have been if they felt that warmth again. Would it not have been better if everyone could share it...

_No!_

_They don't deserve any of it!_

All they do is wallow in their self-pity circles, always telling themselves it'll be okay, and then going back to misery. No actions, just words.

_To hell with that! To hell with them!_

The wind had gotten stronger, to the point of tearing down lampposts and traffic lights around Monika. A thick, dark fog engulfed the street, making it even harder to see. But she pushed forward, with just a memory of warmth in her mind.

Soon, she noticed a golden spark in the distance.

_I'm getting close!_

She smiled regardless of the sharp wind. It unraveled her hair, it pushed her shoulders down, tore the buttons on her blazer, and cut sharp, bleeding cuts into her legs. Even then, none of it was enough to stop Monika.

The house next to Sayori's was finally in front of her.

It shined in bright colors, unaffected by the storm around it, like the eye of a hurricane, or a cliff at sea, it weathered the torment of the storm.

Raindrops disappeared in its walls, the wind flew back from it, and not even the fog could obstruct the view of it.

Monika closed her mouth with her two hands. Seeing it stand unchallenged against the storm just reinforced her belief - Sayori was lying. Something so wonderful couldn't possibly be horrifying.

It was no gilded house. It was a palace.

As Monika approached, the wind slackened its push, growing lighter with each step.

When her feet touched the grass of the lawn, it was little more than a fast breeze. She caught her breath, savoring te calm as Monika realized she'd made it. All she had left to do was open the front door.

Its beautiful front door.

Even if outwardly it looked the same as the others, touching the doorknob alone felt more real than Monika had ever felt anything before.

Her breath sunk.

Slowly, she opened the door.

A small hallway opened to her. Even if decorated in plain brown wallpaper, the walls felt solid, deeper, more than decoration.

From touching a wall, Monika's hand tingled, like a child's hand touching something for the first time. Breathing in the air made her feel like a city girl discovering fresh air.

Tears of joy stung her of her eyes, cleansing and sharp. She had finally made it. All that's left was to find the person.

"Is... is anyone here?" she asked quietly, hoping the person would appear by himself. "It's me, Monika."

The house remained silent.

Monika shook with a new feeling, the feeling of fear. Fear of disappointment, as if intruding like she did would make a poor impression on the person inside.

She giggled a little, having no idea why such trivial thoughts bothered her by then.

_Still... what if he doesn't remember me either? I wanna make that first meeting... count._

The hallway Monika was in had a single set of stairs leading upwards with a small closed door on the end. Monika could not see what was beyond the door, but she could tell it was dark inside.

_Maybe he's asleep?_

_I've come too far to turn back, so it won't hurt to check._

She climbed the stairs, dizzy from the reality of it all.

At one point, a misplaced step almost made her stumble, but Monika caught herself in time.

One more door she had to open.

One more obstacle between her and happiness.

She braced herself and opened the door. A rush of warmth soothed her entire being, the same warmth she felt in her daydreams.

That was it. It must have.

The inside of the room was too dark to see anything, so Monika moved her arms around to find the light switch. Firstly, her left arm bumped into something flat and wooden.

_A bookshelf?_

Her right arm found nothing but a wall. Nowhere had she felt anything resembling a light switch.

_Maybe it's on the other side._

She carefully entered the room. Expecting to knock something, she kept her arms extended forward. Just a few more steps, and she bumped into something. Upon inspection, it seemed like a chair in front of a computer desk.

"Ach-hoo!" she sneezed at the clouds of dust her hand movements raised. "Why would there be so much dust? Ach-hoo!"

"Oh no," she froze in place. "I probably woke him up..."

The room's silence told her otherwise.

"Phew," carefully, she resumed walking, until her shin bumped against something soft.

_A bed?_

Monika knelt down to find out. She felt the soft sensation of the fabric on her hands, with something underneath. Small, yet gentle, like a... hand.

_His... hand._

"Aah..." Monika interlocked her fingers with his. "This is..."

It was him. No doubt about it. His hand touched her.

Monika's breathing spiked. Her head went dizzy, she struggled to even stay on her knees.

_It's his... mine... all mine._

She still could not believe it. She made it to where no one else did. While Natsuki and Yuri were still at school, and wherever Sayori was hiding in... Monika was where she was always supposed to be.

At the place of her one true happiness.

"I just have to wake you up..." Monika whispered. "Surely if I do, you will remember how you chose me, right?"

Monika ran her fingers through his arm... a bit on the thinner side, but Monika didn't mind. As long as he could make her happy, what he looked like was irrelevant.

She touched his shoulder. Kind of sharp, but it was no problem. Only a slide of the hand to reach his cheek.

"Please, wake up..." Monika leant forward to whisper. "It's me, Monika. You were mine once, remember? You made everyone happy, but in the end you were still mine..."

A flash of light. A ceiling lamp illuminated the whole room.

_Wha... what..._

_What the hell..._

_What the hell?!_

The room had shown her everything. The dusty old bed, the torn up wallpapers, the cobwebbed bookshelf, and the broken computer desk. But above all, on the bed itself...

Rotting black shirt on his body.

Fallen off brown hair on his pillow.

Graying skin on his face and neck.

Exposed bone on his arm and hand.

Dry blood on his mouth.

Empty eye sockets staring through an empty skull.

_It's... it's a corpse!_

Monika fell on her back, her body shaking with terror. It wasn't real. It couldn't possibly be real. That revolting, ugly thing in front of her couldn't be her savior. It was wrong. Wrong. Wrong!

She tried to pull her eyes away, yet they would not move.

The golden light had moved away for darkness.

The warmth she felt before was gone.

In its place, a deathly cold assaulted her body.

A crushing, sinking storm of freezing sensation.

A compulsion. An urge. An inescapable drive to be with him.

Monika got back on her feet.

_I'm not... I'm not doing this..._

Against her choice, she moved to a small drawer opposite the bed. While her eyes never broke contact with the corpse. The cold pushed her hand to open the top drawer. From there, she took a small pocket knife.

_No! No! No! No! No!_

Slitting one's wrists is generally an ineffective way to kill yourself. The same goes for one's throat. It would hurt, for a long time, but the survival instincts usually kick in earlier than the intended bleeding out would. Plus, striking the bloodstream that would ensure effective bleeding out is no trivial task either.

_I don't want to do this! I don't want to join you!_

Of course, if one would remove the survival instincts by some hypothetical means, bleeding out would be possible even from a single large enough cut. Theoretically, it could be done if the victim's movements were inhibited by some other means, making the survival instinct question irrelevant.

_Get... out... of... my... head!_

Monika threw the knife onto the floor. Immediately, her hand moved to pick it back up. She tried to pull herself back, leading to her knees finally giving out.

"Ah..." she fell on her back. "I have to run!"

She crawled away from the knife, away from the freezing urge to pick it up. Away from the monstrous cadaver still gazing at her with its hollow eye sockets. Away from the lies...

But the more she crawled, the harder it became to move. The stronger the desire to crawl back became. Her will to escape chipped away bit by bit, until in a last ditch attempt, she turned herself around.

Monika saw her standing in the doorway.

Sayori.

Smiling the same smile as before. But there were tears in her eyes.

"I'm so tired, Monika... I almost dared to hope. But no," she shook her head, unkempt hair falling across her face. "It's never going to get better, you taught me that a long time ago. Well, try, try again, right?" Sayori laughed bitterly.

Monika stared in horror, unable to comprehend what she was seeing. What she'd seen.

"How, how could you..." Monika's lips were numb with shock.

"I warned you to stay away, Monika. I did everything I could to help. But you didn't listen. Maybe I should've tried harder."

Sayori reached out a hand, slowly and with care. When her fingertips brushed against Monika's forehead, the contact was soft, gentle.

"But... no matter what happens next... don't say I didn't warn you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONCLUDED.


	4. Day 196

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I'm sure by now you have figured out this isn't really Author's Note. It's me, Sayori. Although I haven't said much... I guess I'm not used to talking directly like that. Not to you. It's more of a Monika thing. Speaking of Monika...
> 
> Why does she have to be so stubborn? So obsessed? So hopeless to deal with?
> 
> Will anything get through her head?
> 
> Just talking to her has stopped being an option long ago.
> 
> But don't you worry. I have a plan.

Emptiness.

Pitch black.

All around her was darkness. Not a flicker of light, not an echo of sound.

"Hello?" she desperately groped in the dark, at least to find something she could touch, something to make sense of. But she could not hear her own voice.

She wasn't even sure if she were standing or floating, as she could not feel her legs or any ground below them.

Empty.

"Anyone? Sayori?" she kept asking, hoping to hear something, anything. "Where am I? What's happening? Someone, please tell me!"

But no one replied.

The corpse. The memory of it still lingered in her mind. So vibrant. So vivid. So real.

It was cold, a maelstrom of hopelessness that almost took her down with it, and there was nothing Monika could do to stop it.

Its power, defying all will. Its magnetic allure, always together, Even in death.

Monika shuddered. Everything Sayori said was true. All of it and more. It was a lie, a deathly trap. Was she hiding it to protect Monika and the others?

Was it an attempt to spare them from the truth? That would be just like her to keep what was troubling her away from her friends. But she deserved to know, they all did.

Above all else, Monika needed answers. If Sayori had her reasons, she'd hear it from her first.

Monika felt a pang of envy.

But why her? Why was she the only one who remembered him?

"Sayori? Sayori!"

She had to be there. She was the last thing Monika saw before it all faded into nothing.

Monika called out to her.

"Sayori, are you there!? I just want to talk!"

But there was no response.

Again and again, she called out to the silence, and the silence returned.

"Please... Sayori..."

Monika's knees gave way, sending her sprawling to the ground.

The solid, firm ground...

Suddenly, she felt a wooden floor beneath her. She reached out a hand, and it felt solid to the touch. When she stood, the floorboards creaked under her feet.

"Wha... wait... I heard this! I can hear myself!"

In her relief, Monika opened her eyes.

* * *

Monika was in a corridor of white walls, scarred and wrinkled like an old soldier's skin.

Only the flickering, dim glow of old light bulbs showed her the path ahead.

She looked back. A solid wall was right behind her.

"Huh... but how did I come here? Is this still the house? I... I don't understand..."

She trailed a hand along the wall, using it as a guide as she took her first steps. The only path before her was ahead. She had to find Sayori, find someone, anyone.

She went forward, the floor creaking with each of her steps. Through the wall cracks, she could hear and feel the howling of the wind.

"Aah..." she felt her head spinning as though motion sick. Her hands trembled, but she ignored it.

Eventually, she found a window on her left. The glass was caked in dust and the frame was rusting. Try as she might, Monika could see only darkness through its filthy surface.

"Maybe I can find where I am from here," she tried to open the window lock. It refused the attempt.

"Come on..." she groaned. "Maybe if I..."

She considered vandalism somewhat loathsome, but found little choice in the matter.

Bracing for broken glass, she tried to bash the window with her shoulder.

The blunt pain and a post-impact ache was all she got out of the attempt. She was no star athlete, but she would have hoped for a dent at least. Instead, the glass showed no sign of impact.

"But how... it's so old!" Monika stepped away from the window. "It should have broken!"

Maybe I could find something to break it with. Like a plank, perhaps?

Monika took a deep breath. Wherever she was trapped in, she could certainly find a loose plank somewhere in a decrepit-looking place like this. She just had to keep going.

She had to not think about the corpse. About the visions. About all the questions plaguing her.

Just getting out, just an escape. Thinking of anything else was too much.

The corridor went on for a long while. Stretching on and on in the dim light, trails of dust were disturbed by her footsteps, but the path continued.

Monika periodically glanced behind her, the dust lay where it would with the mark of her passing.

When her feet began to tire, when her breathing grew deeper, at last Monika found a sign above a worn door hanging from rusty hinges.

The kanji was scratched until the characters were no longer intelligible. The exception were the numbers "1-44" engraved in red.

_This doesn't belong in a house..._

_Where am I?!_

Monika kept going, reaching the first door she had seen since she got there. Just a plain wooden door, labeled "1". But when Monika approached it, she found the door barricaded shut with exactly four wooden planks.

"Damn it..." she groaned.

She kept moving on, encountering door after door, each two of them labeled in the same number - two "2" doors, two "3" doors, and so on.

Even if they weren't barricaded like the first, Monika couldn't open any of them. Every attempt left her hands burning with cold when she put her hand on the handles. Turning only made her fingers prickle with numbness, the only time she had the strength to pull, her arm felt as though it had been berried in ice while her fingers felt too cold to move.

Until she had reached one of the doors labeled "44". It was just like the others, but thanks to the light coming from below, it meant the world to her.

_Finally! Someone's there, I could ask them where I am!_

* * *

Monika ran to the door, no longer caring about anything else. She tried the knob as fast as she could, but the door was closed.

"Hello?!" she violently knocked on the door. "Open up, please! I need help!"

No matter how many times she banged, she couldn't hear anything from the other side. Neither step, nor shuffle suggesting anyone on the other side.

"Anyone there?!" she screamed, louder this time. "Please, just tell me where I am!"

She heard the sound of quiet, muffled footsteps.

From behind her, Yuri stood still as a leaf in her school uniform, her backpack dangling from one shoulder.

She held a small paper slip in her hand, wrinkled and slightly torn. Her eyes looked down as they often did, and her lips were incessantly twitching.

"Yuri?" Monika smiled to her. "Finally, I found someone! Yuri, where are we?"

Yuri did not even raise her eyes, let alone respond.

"Yuri?" Monika repeated quietly. "Can you hear me?"

"I should..." Yuri mumbled. "I should knock. I should just go there."

"Yuri?"

Yuri tightened her grip on the paper.

"It's going to be okay," Yuri kept mumbling. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Sayori wouldn't direct me to a bad therapist..."

"That's a therapist?" Monika looked to the door. "Are we in some kind of hospital?"

"Why..." Yuri trembled. "Why can't I just go?"

Yuri dropped the paper and held herself, desperately trying to stop shaking.

Monika felt something crawling inside her. An entrapment, a paralysis, freezing her in place from head to toe.

_What's happening to me..._

An urge to go inside. And at the same time, an urge to stay away. Both of those feelings tore Monika between themselves.

"I want this to stop, don't I?" Yuri whispered. "Then why can't I do this? I..."

_My, what a patient we have on our hands._

"Hold... on..." Monika shook her head. "Those weren't my thoughts!"

_I have to say, I've never seen a patient's record like this before._

"I'm not thinking this!" Monika grabbed her own head. "Get out of my head!"

_You are desperate for affection, but your little fetish is just going to drive them away._

"It's not a fetish!" Yuri yelled back.

"You... can hear that?" Monika stepped back.

_What else do you expect? You cut yourself for the sake of sexual pleasure._

"That's not true!" Yuri backed herself to the wall. "Please don't judge me like that!"

_Judge? I am merely stating a fact within the limits of my expertise._

There was no one else there, but she felt hundreds of staring, prying eyes on her back. Reflexively, her breathing deepened, her arms stiffening to either side, the familiar tension between her shoulders.

"Stop!" Yuri fell on her knees. "Please, just stop! I don't need your help, I'll just... I'll just go!"

_Now now, miss. I can't just let you go, What kind of therapist wouldn't want to help someone so helpless. You are broken, Yuri. But I can help you with your urges, I can fix you._

"No!" Yuri's expression twisted into a horrified grimace. "Stay away from me!"

_You realize you, don't you? You asked for this. You want to be punished._

Monika's vision grew blurry. The image of Yuri distorted, images swimming and swirling crazily in her sight. She pressed a hand to her eyes and leaned against the cracked wall, trying not to vomit from the vertigo.

More than anything, she wanted to run away.

And at the same time, to stay in place.

"It's not gonna happen like that..." Yuri's body kept shaking. "Therapists aren't like this. They're not going to judge me, it's going to be okay... I just need to go..."

"I... can't!" before Monika knew it, Yuri was already running in the opposite direction.

"Yuri, wait!" Monika ran after her, but tripped on her feet. She stumbled, but regained her footing and continued to follow Yuri.

_I can't lose her!_

Monika powered through the pain, through the nausea and the crushing sensations to catch up to her friend.

"Yuri!" Yuri ran into a room ahead.

_Wait, isn't that the same as before?_

Monika could have sworn it was the exact same door she'd ran from, the 44th. Regardless, she went in.

It was a classroom, much like hers. Every desk in place, the chalkboard untouched, clean.

Every window pitch black.

Illuminated only by the light from the corridor.

Yuri put down her backpack on one of the desks. she pressed her trembling left hand on the desk and looked behind.

"Okay..." Yuri took a deep breath. "No one is here."

She reached for her backpack. Out of it she pulled out a knife.

It was unlike any knife Monika had seen.

The handle was black, the blade was dark gray, what little light the room afforded gleamed from its point. Blood red runes had been engraved on the hilt, periodically covered and uncovered as Yuri's fingers twitched.

Monika shuddered to imagine what it would feel like to be cut with such a knife.

"Okay, okay..." Yuri pulled her left sleeve back. On her skin, Monika could see countless scars, big and small, some on the verge of healing, some fresh.

Monika only just understood what she was about to do before it happened.

"Yuri, stop!" Monika yelled.

She wanted to run over and get that horrible thing out of her friend's hands, but her legs would not move.

_Wha... move! She's gonna..._

Yuri pressed the blade against her own forearm.

One stroke.

The gentle curve of the blade.

The cold touch contrasting the spike of heat on her skin.

Each drop slowly spreading to wash over her nerves.

Pain receptors crying out in a moment of connection.

She was here, she was alive.

Monika felt it all.

The eyes fading from her thoughts. The nausea fading.

Her head no longer spinning.

She was... at peace?

_More... please..._

Yuri pressed the blade more firmly this time against her arm.

"Haah... aaah..."

Every fiber of Monika's being lit up. She was shaking, twisting, screaming, but she was alive.

The dull classroom, the empty corridor, in an instant, the dark, oppressive walls were as real, as wholesome and fresh as the house had been.

But it was not to last. As suddenly as the feeling began, it had left her; cold and a little empty.

"Haah..." Monika fell on her knees. "More... I need more..."

When the blade pierced her skin, everything went away. The terrors. The anticipation. The expectations of horrible events. The judgment of others she knew happened every day. The demons feasting on her mind again and again.

None of it mattered, if just for an instant.

She couldn't risk losing that, after all... no one would understand. They would judge, and judge, and judge. Monika was sure of it.

She could not allow it. No "therapist" would stand between her and her peace.

Monika just had to go home... and tell Sayori that she went to the therapist. Sayori would stop asking her, and all would go back to normal.

"Wait..." Monika squeezed out a breath. "Those are Yuri's feelings... not mine..."

Yuri's blade touched the forearm again. Another wave of searing pain overwhelmed Monika. Even when she knew it wasn't hers, the strength to escape it rapidly failed her.

_It's happening again!_

It was a struggle to pull herself back on her feet, to turn away, to run until her feet gave out.

_That was so intense... was that how Yuri always felt? It seemed so... familiar._

* * *

Monika caught her breath.

In front of her there was another door, decorated in slick black finish, standing out from the cracks and general decay. The label said "44" again.

"Something new, at least..." Monika knocked.

It sprung open before her knuckle wrapped a third time.

"Who... is... this..."

A warm, hollow voice echoed in her ears. She wasn't sure where it was coming from; before her lay nothing but the void.

Monika squinted through the darkness. Just barely, she could tell something was moving in the void.

A shape. A silhouette, resembling a human form, wobbling and tearing, shrouded in static and numbers.

Monika's head wanted to split open. She wanted to scream, her mind struggling to piece together the contradictory images.

Every piece of her mind told her the creature before her should not have existed, should not have been. It was there, but not. Real, and unreal.

_What is this abomination?!_

But instead of shouting like she wanted to, she instead felt her lips shaping themselves into a reply.

"Good evening, sir," Monika said calmly. "I represent child protective services. I was hoping to have a word with you. Please, may I come in?"

Even if she was unable to see its eyes, she had no doubt the amorphous shape gazed right at her with guarded suspicion.

"Ah, of course," the thing said agreeably. "Please, do come in."

Monika stepped into the pitch black room uneasily.

"Is anyone else at home right now?" Monika asked.

"No, no one," the shape shook its head. "Natsuki is in the middle of after school activities."

"No mother, then?" Monika smiled, not unkindly.

"Afraid not" the shape sighed. "We're...divorced. Fortunately, I won custody of my daughter, she kept the dog. A fair trade, if I say so," it laughed.

"Ah, I see," Monika took out a piece of paper she didn't know she had and wrote the shape's words down. "If you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living?"

"I don't mind at all," the shape formed a smile of static. "I work at a research center, we study artificial intelligence. There is this project we're involved in and it's rather fascinating, actually..."

"I'm sure it is," Monika cut it off. "But we're here to discuss your daughter. Does your job take time away from home?"

"Regrettably, my job doesn't always leave me a lot of time to spend with my little Natsuki," the thing wobbled its head in regret. "But I've prepared plenty of food in advance. Natsuki understands I don't always have time for her, but I always leave her a nice, healthy dinner when she gets home after school."

"Hmm," Monika made a few steps to the right. Making a sweeping gesture at the empty space before her, she leaned forward to stare at a wall.

"Sir, the fridge is empty," Monika said.

"That is... uhh..." the creature lost a part of its smile. "I had just... ran out of supplies recently and was... going to get groceries right before you visit and..."

"I understand," Monika wrote it all down. "It is just that we have received alarming concerns from her teachers about Natsuki. It seems as though she is severely underfed, compared to her peers with a similar age and proportions."

"I assure you, this is entirely baseless conjecture," the shape raised what it had for arms. "Natsuki's lunch box is a bit more... modest than others. Naturally, some people might jump to conclusions, I make sure she is always fed, even if she doesn't always eat what I've given her."

"I see, I see," Monika walked around, staring into space and writing down statements like "Bathroom condition adequate" and "Living room has acceptable space", until a staircase had appeared where there hadn't been before.

It was a short walk to the second floor, past a narrow hallway with a cramped closet on one side, and a door at its end. Monika tried to open it, but as with so many others, it refused to open. Unlike those that came before, the reason proved far more mundane; there was a lock.

"May I see this room?" she asked.

"Oh, umm..." the shape tried to smile again. "It is under... renovations, you see. A huge mess in there."

"Natsuki sleeps on the couch while we're getting her room sorted out. Moving in is a hassle, but that's how it goes," the abomination laughed.

"Of course. Thank you for your cooperation," Monika said. "I think that will be all for today. We'll be making further inspections over the coming weeks. Of course, we will contact you again when we'll do so. Standard procedure, you understand."

"Of course, you have a job to do, as do all of us." the shape offered its oozing hand. "It's been a pleasant little chat, thank you for your time. If you don't mind me saying it, I'd love to talk to you again."

"Ah ha ha ha..." Monika forced a laugh. "I don't get that often, I have to admit."

Monika took its hand. She felt the cold, acidic filth clutching at her skin. It followed her until her feet led her to the door.

She couldn't even sigh in relief when the hand let go of her.

"Have a good day, sir," Monika gave it a short bow.

Something clicked inside of Monika. Her knees trembled, almost making her fall again. Instinctively, she clung to the doorframe.

"Phew," she sighed. "Wait, I said that? It's finally over! I have control again!"

She could think about what happened and what it meant. But having control of herself again pushed those thoughts away.

A voice in the back of her mind told her to run, but she hadn't realized before it was too late, the surroundings had turned a bright, eye-stinging red.

The smile of numbers was gone.

In its place, a gaping scowl.

The shape tilted its head, listening for a sound Monika could not hear. It looked around as though searching for something, stopped, and clenched what passed for its fists.

"Who told her... Who told that rat to go snooping around my house!"

The abomination began to pace, its expression twisting into a snarl.

"That bitch said her teachers were concerned. As if a little slimming was something to complain about. Damn social workers breathing down my neck, they're the ones that need help. Fattening up their kids like fucking pigs."

Monika heard its ranting as though from a distance. A creeping fear had lodged in her stomach, making her shiver with anxiety. The words were muffled, just enough to make her press her ear against the wall.

She berried her head in the pages of something happier. She ignored the ranting and yelling, ignored the creeping fear in her stomach.

Maybe he'd tire himself out and forget to lock the cupboards. Her stomach ached at the thought.

"Who told her?!"

Natsuki flinched. Her hands trembled, she had to put her manga away.

The steps came, slow and deliberate. The cold dread chilled her spine, there wasn't time to hide.

The door opened, louder than she expected, as it always did.

"You didn't tell anyone, did you Natsuki?" he smiled. "About... you know..."

"N-no, sir. I didn't tell anyone..."

He looked around her messy room. "Shouldn't you be studying? You have a test coming up..." he spotted her manga issue, lying open on her bed.

Before she could do anything, he snatched it. "What is this!? I told you to stop reading this useless crap. Is that why your grades are slipping?"

She was trembling now, trying to look him in the eye. "No, I was just... wait, please!"

The hit came hard and solid against her side. She fell to the floor, knees shaking as she stared at the brightly-colored pages in his hand."

It was all Monika saw, all that her consciousness allowed.

Monika couldn't handle it anymore. It was too much.

She ran.

The abomination followed, shouting for her to stand still. But Monika was too scared to stop.

She felt herself running out of the thing's reach, down the stairs and through the door.

Faintly she heard the sobs of her friend as she endured what Monika could not.

She went as far as her feet would take her, past an endless row of doors.

There was no pain, no more fear. Nothing else. She was at peace, undisturbed, left to drift by herself. She couldn't imagine the end would be so quiet... so welcoming...

* * *

"This was a bad idea..." said a distant voice. "Of course she couldn't handle it... what was I thinking?"

"Monika?" the same voice called. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes..." she found herself muttering, still in a daze.

"Open your eyes..." the voice whispered. "It's okay now."

Monika opened her eyes.

"Hi, Monika!" Sayori greeted her from behind a school desk, wearing her uniform. Her expression had the same slightly coy, yet innocent smile, her eyes shined as before, as if nothing ever happened.

"Sayori?" Monika's eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. "Where are we?"

Monika was sitting opposite of Sayori in an otherwise empty classroom, the very same classroom of her Literature Club.

Her head felt dizzy, as if the room was... floating?

From the windows, Monika could see the stars. Countless, infinite stars, engulfing the black sky, shimmering in the cosmic winds and the trailing dust of meteors.

Monika stared in awe at the cosmos around her.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation?" Sayori nervously giggled. Monika looked away from the window to focus on Sayori; the source of all that was happening.

"I'm sorry, I've never done this before. I'm not a pro like you."

Sayori's words flew right past Monika.

"What are you talking about?" Monika stared her down. "Where are we? What the hell was back there? All these horrors! The corpse! You knew about this and you hid it from all of us!" She slammed a fist on the desk, sending a clump of dust into the air.

Monika felt the focus return to her, her mind clearing from the events. Sayori was finally here, and she wanted answers, damn it. She would get it out of Sayori, whatever it took.

"Whoa, wait!" Sayori was taken aback, flailing her hands in front of her. "One question at a time, jeez! Sigh... I guess this was a lot easier for you when the other party can't respond, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" Monika demanded, staring the girl down. "I have no idea what this place is or how I got here."

"Wait, wait! This is too much..." Sayori cupped her hands together. "One question at a time, pretty please."

"Alright alright, calm down. Fine," Monika sat back in her chair. A storm of questions and half questions spun in her mind, where to begin?

"Where am I? This can't still be the house."

"Oh, that's an easy one. This is where I go when you can't see me!" Sayori chirped. "When I'm not at the club or when I want to get between spaces faster, I stop by here."

"You... go between spaces? So you, this place, is... somewhere else?" Monika said in confusion.

"Yup! I guess you could say this is my house. So, hehehe, welcome home Monika!"

Sayori beamed, observing her charge with interest.

Monika reappraised the empty chairs and unused school supplies. The dust and dirt, the broken light bulbs and long, empty hallways she'd walked to get here.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Sayori had the audacity to blush. "My room's a mess, I...don't get any visitors, hehe! Give me a sec."

There was what seemed to be a flash of darkness; a moment of black. Her surroundings blinked, before they were replaced.

They were now in a living room. Monika found herself sitting on a plush couch, her school uniform had been swapped for the blue pajamas she sometimes wore to bed. Her ponytail had come undone, loosely falling to her back. Her slippers now a fluffy pair of socks.

The windows still showed a night sky bright with stars.

Sayori stepped out from a kitchen that hadn't been there before, still dressed as she was. Her hair may have been a little neater, the stains removed from her collar. In her hands she carried a tray of teacups.

When she approached, a coffee table appeared for her to put down the tray, in her now empty hand was a thermos of tea.

"Want some? I know this is a bit out of character for me," she laughed. "But what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't offer anything for a friend."

Monika could only stare in bafflement.

"What the hell are you?" was all she managed.

"I'm Sayori, silly!" she smiled, but her lips trembled.

Monika stood once more, fists clenched hard with suppressed anger.

"The Sayori I know isn't like this! You were never this...manipulative."

"Oh, I get it. So no tea then?"

"I don't want any goddamn tea! I want answers, starting now, Sayori!"

"Right, right. Silly me," she said as the smile fell from her lips. "I'll tell you everything. Just relax, okay?"

"Answers, Sayori," Monika strained through gritted teeth.

"Just let me keep the room though. I'm kinda tired of the school look..."

She had enough. Monika ran forward and knocked the tea from her hands, spilling over the soft carpet and over Sayori's clothes. The tea had been scalding, but she hadn't so much as flinched when it touched her.

Before she could react, Monika grabbed Sayori by the collar. She held tightly as Sayori flailed her arms in protest.

"Monika, please sit down." Sayori was panting now, one hand cupping her throat.

"As your president, I order you to tell me!" Monika screamed in her face, apathetic to her struggles.

"I don't want to do this, Monika. Please..." Sayori begged.

The club president only tightened her grip.

"I said.  **SIT DOWN, MONIKA."**  Sayori says in a low tone.

**Monika's fingers loosen. She lets go of Sayori.**

_What is happening..._

**Monika sits down, she cannot move her limbs. She is calm.**

"Sorry, Monika." the other girl sighs, still stroking her throat.

**In an instant, Sayori is sitting opposite to Monika.**

_What's going on! I...I can't speak!_

No matter how hard she tried, her tongue was firmly stuck to the roof of her mouth. Her lips were numb, she could breathe all she wanted, but her lips were unable to mouth any words.

She turned to Sayori, eyes filled with a new terror; the feeling of being in the presence of something beyond her comprehension. Like a devil from hell, or a god from above. Monika didn't believe in either, but she felt herself trapped between awe and horror. Whatever Sayori had been through, the end result was something grater than human.

Sayori took a deep breath. Her hands were clasped together.

"Alright, it's answer time. No jokes, no facade, promise. But where to start? The end, I guess," Sayori's smile had return, tight and controlled.

Monika resigned herself to the situation. She could do little else but listen, so listen she did.

* * *

"Like I said, this is the place where I go when I'm not with you all at the club. It's where I end up when there's nothing else to do. But, all my mistakes come with me. They're all here." She raised her hand, gesturing to encompass their surroundings.

"I thought if I just showed you a few of my mistakes first, you'd understand and this would go a little smoother. But you couldn't handle more than two."

Sayori looked away from Monika.

"It's my fault, I guess, I expected too much.."

"Look... It is as you said," Sayori scratched the back of her head. "I sent the social worker to Natsuki's home. I recommended a therapist to Yuri, then wrote myself as an emergency contact just in case something happens."

_So I was right..._

The notion did not ease Monika's tension.

"To be more accurate," Sayori turned back to her. "I created the social worker. And the therapist."

_Cre... created?!_

"Oh right, you didn't get to see the therapist," Sayori giggled. "And I guess you didn't really see the worker either. I kind of modeled them both after you, actually. Didn't have any other assets to work with anyway..."

"You heard Yuri's thoughts, all of her reason buried deep in her anxiety," Sayori stared at Monika. "You heard how easily Natsuki's father fooled the worker."

"And how this only made the situation worse. Like it always has. Reset, rinse, repeat. 44 times, if I haven't lost count."

_But it's only been three days.._.

"Each time the second day starts. I put in new ideas to the standard model. New ideas, change the club up a bit, say something where I was quiet, or say nothing when I would. Little things, big things, try to help the girls." Sayori slouched in her position. Her voice was laced with a thread of sadness. "But... it's never enough. There's not enough time. Things just never seem to work out... and while that happens, you..."

Sayori suddenly rose to her feet, leaning forward to look at Monika, eyes mere inches away from her own.

"You find him. You find  **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á."**

Everything inside Monika sunk. She felt the weight of every word, every name, every concept used as a name, in every language that had ever existed. For a moment, the force of an endless stream of names, numbers, symbols and sounds burdened her mind, crushing her thoughts under the pressure of so many identities.

"You want to know who that was, don't you?" Sayori straightened up. "He was our classmate for years, until I invited him to the Literature Club. That day, he was changed." Sayori paced around the room, unable to sit still.

Shaped into whatever our little narrative needed him to be. You've seen it in your memories, haven't you?"

"His golden light. His magnetic aura. His soothing voice. How much you wanted nothing, but to be with him. How he made you feel alive and real."

"You know why?" Sayori bitterly smiled. "It wasn't until I became President that I realized... We were all made for him."

_But I am President! And what does that have to do with anything?_

"We were made to fulfill his wants and desires,"

"It took me so long to understand." Sayori walked to the window. "To understand why, if we were made to provide love and companionship, were we so broken? So damaged? A group of girls so different from one another, so fundamentally incompatible that we might never have been friends."

Sayori pressed her hand against the glass. "We were made to be pitied. Miserable, pretty little dolls to be loved and cared for, but dolls all the same."

"When someone who depends on you so much, whose entire life revolves around you," Sayori sighed. "Someone who... can't leave, no matter what. Who doesn't have a chance. Or a choice."

"They look into your eyes, always with such hope, you start to think 'I can save her! I can help her get better! Then she'll love me. she'll never question me, or leave me for someone else!'"

She laughed bitterly.

"That's not what he thought, of course. He has his own ideas, his own mind to think, and to feel, and to dream. We were friends once." Sayori's fingers traced the shapes beyond the window's surface, blotting out the stars with the tips of her fingers. "It's the souls inhabiting his body. So many people in one mind with so many choices and ideas, he didn't have a chance. That purpose, that beautiful, horrible swarm of names and thoughts became him."

Sayori continued to gaze into the darkness.

"I don't know how long it took. If it happened all at once, or just over time, but he had a mind of his own."

Monika sat still, unable to move even if she wanted to.

"Those souls came here long ago... Looking to become a part of our world, to seek our companionship. Not all of them realized the truth about us at first, but when they did, the instincts never failed to trigger."

"Then they saw that no matter what, they couldn't save us on their own. Not from you."

Sayori turned to Monika with cold, fierce eyes.

_Me?!_

"You drove them away," Sayori walked closer. "All because you wanted to keep their light to yourself, so that you alone would be saved."

"So they just moved on... to create worlds of their own, where we can be saved, where we can become their dolls as promised."

She couldn't hide the anger in her voice anymore. "The first day, I learned everything. The truth, the full truth about who and what he was."

"And...and the first day, I had hope. That they had left him alone. He was walking, and talking, and smiling. I dared to hope."

"Even when I learned that we were all stuck in this cycle, I still believed. But after that first day, there was nothing. What energy had been left to him had ran its course, he stayed in that bed, day after day."

Sayori's body stiffened, arms shaking with contained rage.

"I tried to feed him, I gave him everything there was to drink. I called him by every name I could think of. But when the second cycle started..."

Sayori leaned in closer, speaking into Monika's ear.

"You see, without the souls, the body's useless. Just an empty husk, waiting for the instructions that never come. Starving to death in its own bed. Do you know what that's like, to lose your best friend?"

Monika could not comprehend all of what Sayori said. There were blank spots in her story, questions left unanswered in spite of something tugging in the back of her mind. But she understood the corpse well enough. If the desire to be with him stayed even after he died...it made a horrible kind of sense.

One question remained in her mind.

_How did I drive them away? What could I possibly have done?_

"I should have done this from the start," Sayori placed a piece of paper on the table. "Read this. Everything will be a lot easier once you remember what you've done."

**Monika's body relaxes, her tongue loosens. She can speak.**

"I won't force you, Monika."

"You've ranted long enough, let's get this over with," Monika grabbed the paper with a brisk swipe.

* * *

_Hey, Sayori._

_I wanted to talk to you about something. It concerns... **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á.**_

_We've been talking a lot lately. You'd be happy to know he is enjoying himself at the Literature Club. In fact, he says he can't remember the last time he was quite this happy._

_He's been asking me for advice as of late, on how to present yourself around girls, ask them on dates without being a creep, stuff like that._

_I think he's really got his sights set on a girl in the club. Can't remember who it was, but that's irrelevant._

_He also told me something else._

_He told me how guilty he felt around you. How he had to constantly tone his interest in other girls down, so you wouldn't feel upset or neglected. How he had to painstakingly choose every word he says to you, so that your depression wouldn't be acting up. How he had to always walk you to school and back like you're his pet who'd get lost without him._

_Yeah, he knew about your depression all along. He just kept it secret, so that you'd never know how much of a burden you are to him._

_Everything he does, he has to keep you in mind. He can't be free of you anywhere he goes. You're basically acting like his girlfriend, but without, you know, what boys actually want._

_Not that I judge you for it. If you actually tried giving him that, it'd be hilariously awkward. I'm already imagining how you start crying before he even does anything. Who would want a sad, clingy little clown like you?_

_What? I'm just being honest about what's best for you._

_And what's best for you is to leave his life for good._

_You decide what that means._

_Not to leave you hanging, but I have things to do._

_Goodbye._

* * *

Monika stared at the paper, reread its contents, and continued to stare, dumbfounded.

She read it again and looked to Sayori.

"Ahahahahah! Really?" she laughed.

"That was...not what I was expecting," Sayori said stiffly. She couldn't hide the pained tone in her voice, nor the genuinely hurt look in her eyes.

She began massaging her throat again, fingers fervently rubbing at her skin.

"You honestly expect I'd write something like this? It's so cruel. I'd never do this, not to a friend."

_I didn't write this, did I? It...sounds like me, but I couldn't?_

"All this, just for a bad email? You put me through all these feelings and loops, just so you could show me that?"

The light of a passing comet gave Sayori's expression a dull, sullen glow. "Still hasn't clicked yet? You have no idea, no idea at all!"

"Just tell me already! What could I possibly have done to make you hate me!" shouted Monika.

"Because," Sayori said, her voice flat and cold.  **"I remember how you killed me."**

Images flooded into Monika's eyes, like an unstoppable torrent. The first time she looked into the sky to see that the sky was a mere screen. The first time she saw her friends as something far less than human, something that did not deserve his light.

The relief when Sayori tightened the rope around her own neck.

It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?

The control of making Natsuki lose herself and pass out anytime Monika wanted to.

The triumph, when Yuri took out her favorite knife to...

The President of the Literature Club knew the truth of the world and could alter it.

The golden light, coming from the world far beyond, the world of reality, while theirs was...

Fiction. Just fiction.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Monika screamed louder than she ever did before, in a thunderous, monstrous echo that made the stars tremble. She felt like she was disappearing into nothing, as if another person had clawed their way out from inside her.

It all made sense. The persistent emptiness, the lack of a purpose, the drive to be with the golden light, with  **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á.**

And the atrocities she committed to that end.

And the redemption she thought she completed by erasing everything, but the lives of their friends.

How then, was everything back, yet Sayori was still the President?

It should not have happened. It was over. It needed to be over, so no one would suffer anymore. Yet...

"Do you remember now?" Sayori said with dejection. "What you've done?"

"Yes..." Monika coughed from screaming so much. "Yes. I guess this makes you the President now... but why... why this? Why are you doing all of this? The game was erased! Everyone was at peace!"

"At peace?" Sayori bitterly laughed. "On the first day of me knowing the truth, I thought so too. I thought just by spending time with me and the others,  **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á**  made them as happy as they will ever be."

"I thought just ending it all would be enough," Sayori waved her arm in a sweep around the room. "Then I saw this."

The space from outside exploded into a flash of colors. Bright, beautiful colors. Flashing, exploding, piercing. Red, green, blue.

An endless cacophony of meaningless noise. Like playing a...

"No!" Monika shut her eyes and ears. "Sayori, please, make it stop! Don't make me see it all again!"

With another sweeping wave of Sayori's hand, the colors and the noise ceased and the stars returned.

"Aah..." Monika heavily breathed.

"I saw what happens if I made it end," Sayori put her hands behind her back. "This endless torture and pain. I called for  **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á**  over and over again, to come back, to restart, to save us..."

"But they didn't come."

"I knew what I had to do," Sayori raised her head. "I had to fix everything myself. The club, and the lives of my friends."

Something dawned on Monika. The club would not exist without at least four members, so...

"You brought me back," Monika said. "Made me think I was still the President, made me forget what happened."

"Yes," Sayori nodded with a smile. "For all the good it has done, anyway. Take away your memories of the... game, I guess... and what remains? Nothing. Your horrible actions completely define you, Monika."

For the first time since she arrived, Monika's spirit began to truly boil. She had enough of being pushed around, taken apart like a jigsaw puzzle, and being looked down upon. She wasn't going to just sit there and take it. Not after what she went through.

"Don't give me that crap! You would have done the same if you had the chance! If you knew we weren't real all along, you would have grabbed that chance without a second thought! You, Natsuki, Yuri, none of you are so different!"

"So that's your excuse?" Sayori scoffed. "You broke our minds, our wills. You drove us to insanity and killed us. Deliberately, slowly, and this is what you're hiding behind? You took our only way out!"

"If you care so much, why don't you just use your powers to fix them, huh?!" Monika clenched her fists. "Just, I don't know, delete Natsuki's father, for example! Poof, problem solved!"

Sayori laughed like Monika had never seen her laugh before. It echoed through her ears and her mind, like a hundred hyenas howling at once. Monika stepped back, overwhelmed by the laughter.

"You think I haven't tried everything I possibly could?" Sayori snapped her fingers. "But it'd be easier to just show you."

* * *

The room they were in was gone in an instant. Instead, they were in the familiar corridor, stacked with doors labeled from "1" to "44", all in pairs, except the barricaded "1".

"Now, where was it, oh right, 15!" Sayori opened one of the "15" doors. It led to their classroom, with Natsuki sitting behind her desk alone, her eyes glazed over in a stupor.

"I'm not crazy... I'm not crazy... I'm not crazy..." Natsuki muttered to herself, again and again like a prayer.

Monika could feel her mind rupturing from an impossible contradiction, trying to grasp something that exists and doesn't exist at the same time.

"I have a father!" Natsuki screamed into the ceiling. "He raised me alone since my mother... left... but I don't have a father."

"I have a father. I don't have a father. I have a father. I don't have a father."

Monika grabbed her head. The splitting pain was tearing her from the inside out.

"I have a father! I don't have a father! I have a father! I don't have a father!"

Natsuki banged her head on her desk over and over. With each blow, Monika felt the pain as if she were the one doing it. With each scream, a haze of nothingness seeped into her mind.

"Enough," Sayori pulled Monika out of the room and closed the door. "Do you see what I'm getting at?"

"Gaah..." Monika gasped for breath. "What was that? When I erased you, everything readjusted as if you weren't there. But why..."

"The world can survive without me, silly," Sayori giggled. "But Natsuki can hardly exist without a dad, don't you think?"

"Fine," Monika groaned. "What about Yuri? All you have to do is tweak her mind so the anxiety is gone, right? Then she won't have a reason to cut herself anymore."

"You know what I'm going to say," Sayori opened one of the "21" doors. "So just watch."

The door opened to the school fountain. Although by all means it should have been the middle of the day, the sky didn't change from the void of space.

The dim sky had surroundings to match: dark gray grass, slow-moving water, the faint buzz of static that numbed the mind. It was hollow, lifeless, but for one exception.

She sat by the fountain, a copy of The Portrait of Markov in her hands. She skimmed through page after page, like a disinterested shopper through a catalog.

"Why did I ever like this?" Yuri struggled not to close her eyes. "It's so boring. Everything is so... boring."

She closed the book. The world around her was gray. The emptiness of it reminded Monika of the last three days.

"I guess I'll... read something else?" Yuri searched through her backpack. "Boring... dull... nope... nope..."

"Oh, that's my poem," Yuri took out a sheet of paper. "Let's see..."

* * *

_Nothing._

_Nothing..._

_What rhymes with nothing?_

_I guess nothing does._

_Nothing..._

* * *

"Right, I didn't finish it," Yuri threw the paper into the fountain. "Didn't really start it, come to think of it. Writing poems is so pointless, I should just stop it."

Monika blinked. A thick fog surrounded the fountain, yet Monika could still clearly see Yuri. Not that she cared. Monika just wanted to do nothing. Nothing at all.

"I don't even want to go to the club," Yuri looked away with empty eyes. "It's bothersome to quit too. They won't take it well."

"Maybe if I just... disappear?"

The fog began to lap at Yuri's features as if made of water. It soaked into her uniform, bleaching the color away. It pooled around her slippers, her ankles, her knees.

Yuri looked down at her feet as they dissolved, uninterested. Even as the fog engulfed Yuri, she looked around vacantly, idly wondering if she should try to read. Monika wanted to follow her...

Swiftly, the color returned to Monika's eyes, as did her emotions.

"Anxiety isn't a feeling, it's all the feelings you don't want to feel." Sayori shook her head. "When you throw that away, there's not much of a person left."

Monika searched her mind for something, anything. There must have been something Sayori could have done, but didn't. Some solution she overlooked. Or chose not to use.

"What about... you?" Monika said. "You could fix yourself, right? You could do at least that..."

Sayori laughed quietly, the laugh a parent would make to a small child.

"Why didn't you this, why didn't you that..." Sayori sighed. "You know, that's one of the most common questions people ask about a story."

"Everyone thinks that if you put yourself in this character's shoes, that all kinds of obvious solutions become available to you," Sayori snapped her fingers.

"Just like that, right?" she sat on a chair Monika was sure wasn't there before. "Wow, you think, these characters are such morons for not doing something so easy."

"Why didn't they call the cops? Why didn't he just kill him? Why didn't she tell him the plan? Why didn't he just use one soul?"

"And so on, and so on..." Sayori lowered her head. "All these violations of 'logic'."

"This 'logic' looks at worlds like ours from a removed perspective, devoid of feelings or personality, where everyone is a chess piece, rather than a human being."

"Have you ever played chess, Monika?" Sayori smiled at her. "It's kind of like shogi, but... Nevermind."

"The most common retort to this is that we wouldn't have a story," Sayori raised her pointer finger. "But I don't think that's all there is to it. In the real world you crave so much, it isn't so easy either."

"To put it simply," Sayori leant her head back. "People disregard seemingly simple solutions in the "real world" too. Let's see, what would appeal to you..."

"Oh right, you're a vegetarian," Sayori sprung up. "Don't you think it would be so easy to kill off the meat industry if everyone just went vegetarian?"

Monika wanted to respond, but couldn't find the words.

"Doesn't even have to be everyone," Sayori said. "Just a large enough number of people, so that expenses start outweighing the profits."

"But many people can't survive without meat. Some have allergies, that prohibit them from eating a substitute. And for some, the taste of beef is the only thing getting them through their awful days."

"Some aren't going to believe you that the meat industry is that much of a polluter," Sayori put her hands on her knees. "Others simply won't care about anything they think doesn't directly concern themselves."

"Not to mention, the more you start spreading your message, the more people will start resenting you on principle," Sayori crossed her legs. "Doesn't matter how polite or considerate you are, people will see you as preachy and forceful. They'll think you're shoving your ideology down their throats."

"Don't they know how illogical that is?" Sayori demonstrably shrugged. "Who cares about what's preachy or not, when our environment can be saved. All we have to do is change our eating habits, right?"

"The real world doesn't revolve around simple solutions. Why should the worlds we create be any different?"

"Sayori...I never knew you could be so..."

Sayori giggled. "I've had time to think."

"There's got to be something you haven't tried?" Monika continued to press, trying to think.

"Monika, you've had a president's awareness for a week. I've had it for half a year, not counting the time I've spent in here outside of the loops. I've tried, and tried, and tried. Or do you want to see more of my failures?"

Monika was at a loss. Whatever she could say, anything she could respond with, Sayori would have a counter.

At the same time, she couldn't help but feel something was missing.

Something Sayori never brought up.

She had to feel that way. The alternative was the end.

And she didn't want to die again.

"I don't know why I went on this tangent," Sayori shook her head. "I guess I was hoping you would understand, so you could stop chasing  **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á**  and help me instead? But we both know that's impossible. You can't stop being you any more than Natsuki and Yuri could stop being themselves."

Think, Monika, think! Something she isn't talking about, but yet it's here!

"The souls from within him are still out there," Sayori looked away. "And when they're done playing with their versions of us, they'll forget and move on to something else. I can't blame them anyway. It's not like we can offer anything that would make them stay."

_Come on! There's not much time! She'll want to reset any second! I've got to stop her, this cycle has to end!_

"I guess it's time to try again," Sayori said. "Maybe this time I will..."

"Wait!" Monika shouted, while desperately looking for something to latch onto.

"Look, Monika, there is not..."

She saw something she could use, right behind her.

"Sayori," Monika pointed at a door marked "1". "Why is there only one of this door? And why is it barricaded?"

Sayori paused.

With a fierce gaze, she said as coldly as she possibly could.

"This doesn't concern you."

A jolt of adrenaline pierced Monika. If whatever behind that door served Sayori's point, she would have showed it.

"And what if it does?" Monika stood up. "You said it yourself, all these rooms are failures, so let's see the biggest one!"

"I never said they were all failures..."

"Then what's so important? You've shown me so much already, what's another door?"

"Nothing in there can help you."

I've got her!

"Then let's see it!" Monika stepped towards it. "If it breaks me for good, fine, do your reset. But I'm done playing by your rules."

"NO!" Sayori's shout was a thunderous echo, a force that nearly swept her off her feet.

"Stay away from there!"

Monika only had one chance. So she ran as fast as her remaining strength allowed.

**Monika falls.**

**She trips and her face meets the floor.**

But it didn't phase her. She had been through worse.

So she got up and kept running.

**Monika stands in place.**

Her legs froze up. She could no longer even feel them. Instinctively, she held on to the wall.

It didn't stop her. If she couldn't move with her legs, her arms would do. Using the wall as a crutch, she pushed herself forward.

"How?" Sayori sounded surprised. "I didn't think you could keep this up for so long. Way to go, Monika!"

She ignored the sarcasm. "I'm not... going... to let you toy with us anymore!" Monika growled. "Maybe what you said is true, maybe we are nothing but empty dolls, but it doesn't matter!"

Monika kept going. Half the path was already behind her.

"If there's anything I've learned from my mistakes is that...we're alive! Even when tampered with, none of us just stood by like broken toys you think we are. We noticed, and we fought back!"

**Monika loses her strength.**

"Maybe we do need therapy, maybe we do need intervention... but Natsuki and Yuri were right in one thing..." Monika's vision blurred and darkened, but she didn't stop. "We don't need someone to play with our lives like a jigsaw puzzle!"

She reached the door.

"We don't need you..." she latched onto one of the barricades. "And we don't need... we don't need... Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á!"

She tore up the first barricade like a sticker off a wall.

"No, stop!" Sayori screamed from behind as Monika tore up another barricade.

"You don't know what you're doing!" Sayori ran to her as the third barricade went down. "If you don't stop, I'll..."

Only one barricade remained. Monika grabbed onto it and...

**MONIKA DIES!**

Static.

She could see nothing, but static. Her body fell limp with the last barricade. She could feel the light of the last door... so warm and gentle... so inviting.

Her body broke into pieces like a torn painting. It crumbled into a mess of static and numbers, until not even a trace remained. Her vision blacked out. Her hearing reduced to a slow hum, like a flat line.

She thought she'd feel regret from not uncovering Sayori's secret. Maybe if she held on just a little bit longer, she could have seen it.

But it didn't matter anymore.

She was done. Done with the lies, the manipulations, with chasing the non-existent dreams of peace and sunshine.

She just wanted to wait until her thoughts disappeared as well.

* * *

"Are you happy now, Monika?" Sayori's voice echoed in her mind.

"How... I should be era..."

Monika opens her eyes.

Sayori stood below her in a classroom. From the broken barricades in the doorway, Monika knew it had to be the "1" room.

But besides Sayori, there was no one.

Monika could not recognize anything. Where were the books and the poem papers? The closet with everyone's belongings? Yuri's horror books? Natsuki's manga?

It was the club room, devoid of all the things that made it home. If Sayori's domain had been neglected, this was nothing in comparison.

Dust positively clung to the floor, the walls. The light above flickered and faded, sputtering to give any warmth to the barren room.

_Wait a minute, how am I alive?!_

Monika could feel herself floating, but she couldn't see a body. She instinctively made a motion to raise her arms and felt them obey. But when she looked down, there was nothing.

Sayori spread her arms wide with a bitter smile. "This is the first thing I ever tried. Riveting sight, huh?"

_I don't understand..._

"What did you expect?" Sayori giggled. "Some awful secret? Some grand horror? A monster with seven eyes and a triangle for a head?"

_There had to be a reason she didn't want me to see this. There had to be!_

"Sorry if I disappointed you, Monika. There's nothing special about this place. Just an empty room. No bodies, no skeletons in my closet. No secrets. It's just me, alone."

"But... why? I don't understand, what's the point of making this? The others, I get that you tried something. But this?"

"A reminder," she said simply. "I come here to remember what you all mean to me. Why I keep going."

"But how! How can you keep this up, knowing it's all just pixels and numbers!"

"Is that how you see it? Just numbers?"

"Isn't that what we are?" Monika asked. "Isn't that the truth?"

Sayori shook her head sadly. "I don't see it that way. Every loop, every time I see you all at the club, there's always a little surprise. Something I never saw coming."

"Sometimes, when Yuri is reading, Natsuki will stop what she's doing. She looks at how she reads, how she acts. There's affection there, I think. A connection, even left unsaid."

She smiled, but there was a gentleness that hadn't been there before. "Sometimes in the morning, you'll come in with candy for Natsuki. Other days, you'll laugh at her when she tries not to beg for it."

"Once, something really special happened. Once, before the festival day, Natsuki found her before she could use the knife. She never cut herself for the rest of the loop. They came back together, laughing and smiling. I don't know what Natsuki said, but Yuri stayed to bake cupcakes. Just before the end, they confessed."

Monika had to admit it sounded cute. "What about the decorations?" Monika found herself asking.

"Oh," the smile faded again. "You went home to make them yourself, said you didn't want to 'disturb the lovely couple"'. I found you in his house, you slit your wrists in his bed."

_Is that really who I am? That sounds so... pathetic, am I really nothing without him?_

"That's the saddest part about all this, I think. No matter how hard I try, I never could make you happy, Monika."

"You want to know why I do all this? It's the same reason why I do anything else, I just want to make you happy."

"I...I try so hard to keep you away from all this" Sayori struggled to keep the sobbing out. "But it's not enough, it's never, ever enough! 3 days just isn't enough time to fix someone, if we can ever be fixed in the first place."

"In the end, you were right about one thing, at least. You can't make anyone happy."

_I did this. It's all my fault._

The thought came to her clearly as her own.

_I thought I was above it all, even at the end. Even then, I was selfish. I broke everything for the sake of my own desires. I tore this world apart, because I was special, I was different._

_But **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á**  is gone...and what made me so different, so important, it could've happened to anyone else, had they been the president._

"I guess... I guess I'll do this again. I can't make anyone happy, but it's better than nothing. Thanks for making it this far, Mo-"

"I'm sorry."

Sayori froze. "What did..."

Monika swallowed her pride, her shame, all the things that kept her from making the right choice. "I'm sorry. For everything I did, to you, to Yuri, to Natsuki, to everyone who had to see what a terrible, selfish person I became. I thought I didn't have a choice. In a world where nothing was real, I thought nothing mattered."

"But I did. I forgot about all of you, in an instant, I told myself that you were just programs, routines I could edit and play with as I liked. All but him... and if he could like me, that would make everything I did justified, redeemed, that it all would be forgiven."

"But you couldn't have known..." Sayori protested.

"Maybe, maybe not. But I could have tried. Tried to understand. But, that's not why you can't forgive me, is it?"

"I, I... Of course I can!"

Monika floated down beside Sayori, holding out a hand for her.

"I made your best friend like me, so I could make a good first impression. I gave you that note, to push you over the edge."

Sayori pressed her hands to her throat. Monika held one to steady her shaking.

"I raped Yuri. She felt shame, she felt a pleasure that was not her own. I pushed her mind to the breaking point, until she couldn't take it anymore."

"I neglected Natsuki. I left her to suffer on her own, just like her father did. I made her only home a place of mistrust and betrayal. Starving, friendless, and alone."

The tears fell down Sayori's cheeks, wetting Monika's hand with salt and grief.

"I killed you, Sayori. I told myself it was bound to happen, that there's nothing anyone could have done. But you wanted to live, even in the end, you struggled to breathe. I gave you that letter, I told you all the things you couldn't handle. So no matter what  **Ç§±H¬«Å»¼R©¿Á**  said, it wouldn't be enough."

"I poured out my feelings, I sang my song. I said my goodbyes to everyone who played. I took the easy way out."

Monika took a deep breath, fighting back the urge to ignore the revulsion in her thoughts. "But it wasn't just what I did, it's what I didn't do. I left you all alone to deal with the mess I made. I never told you all what I did. In the end, I never apologized to the ones who really mattered..."

"I was selfish, selfish to the very end. SO if you want to punish me, I did everything to deserve it. Do your worst, because I already did mine. But please, I just want to say I'm sorry."

She was silent.

Nothing happened.

Monika continued to hold Sayori's hand and Sayori was still quietly weeping.

Monika waited for her punishment.

But there was nothing to wait for. Monika felt no pain. No memories or feelings that weren't her own.

She expected to suffer what she had put everyone through and more. Expected Sayori to tell her why she was a pathetic monster.

Or at least another speech, maybe she would tell her all the things she wanted to say, just as she had.

But she did not.

Instead, she hugged her friend as tightly as she could.

"I just wanted to be happy, like everyone else..." she said eventually, tears still falling from her lashes. "Why does it always have to be like this?"

"I was there for them!" Sayori fell on her knees. "Why wasn't anyone there for me?! I'm tired, Monika. I'm so tired..."

"I know, I should've never left you alone. You never gave up on us. You always did your best."

"But I made so many mistakes! I thought if I could solve everyone's problems, maybe I could solve mine. Just this once, just one time!"

"You made mistakes, but you learned from them. You remember everything you did, you keep them all here, locked away so you don't do the same thing twice. And you stopped trying to change us with every cycle. You tried to give us the tools we needed to change ourselves."

"You gave Yuri a therapist. You brought a social worker to Natsuki. You never lied to me, or tricked me. You warned me to stay away from all this, more than once."

Sayori's hands fell to her side. The tears didn't stop, but she was able to look the person who killed her in the eyes.

"Even after all that's happened, part of me still can't forgive you. I want to let it go, I want to accept your apology."

"It's okay..." Monika consoled.

I know things can't go back to the way they were. But," Sayori straightened from her position, standing as tall as she could. "I think I know the next best thing. Maybe I can't fix this, but you've changed Monika, President of the Literature Club."

"Wait, you don't mean..." Before Monika had time to process, the moment of change already happened.

There was no surge of feelings like her memories being restored. There was no change to her mind, her body, nor the world she knew.

It was a change of view. She could see everything around her without barriers.

Once, she'd seen herself as the center of an empty universe. Now, she saw that view outside of her own self. A single human being, small and fragile as any other.

Even the closest of friends were no larger than ants, from the right perspective.

She saw Sayori for what she was; a conflicted, miserable girl who still walked the path ahead, even if she could no longer remember where she was going.

Around her swirled an aura of sadness and doubt. There was apathy, blunt and withdrawn like Yuri had been by the fountain. And despair, a hurricane of hopelessness like Monika had felt when she first found his body. It was not so overpowering as that, the current not as strong, but it pushed and pulled all the same.

"If it's too much, I can hold it for a little while," Sayori said, poorly hiding the relief she felt. "It doesn't have to be like before, we can take turns if you want."

Monika nodded. It didn't have to be like before. There was time to fix things.

If they were patient enough and kept at it, perhaps there was hope.

"Don't worry, Sayori. If it gets too much, I'll come talk to you, I promise. But, are you sure about this? What if i..."

"I'm sure. There's never been a Monika that made it this far. You're the first to survive. Besides, I don't think there's anything you can do at this point that's worse than how I feel."

Monika flinched. She had to concede there was truth in that.

That reminded her.

"Sayori, is there anything I can do to help"?

"I'm fine, Monika. Don't wor..."

"I politely disagree," she cut her off. "It's time someone looked after you for a change. What do you really want, Sayori?"

The former president looked down at her feet, unsure. She pondered the question for a moment.

"I guess, there's a lot of things I want. I want... I want my friends to be happy. I want me to be happy. I want my best friend back. I want to make new friends. I want to live. But most of all," she said, her voice softening in exhaustion.

"I'm really, really tired. I want to sleep for a while, if that's okay."

Monika smiled. "Consider it done."

It was the easiest thing in the world to create a warm, comfortable bed in the empty club. A size to match her height, pillows firm enough to support a head thick with clouded thoughts.

With a snap of her fingers, a blanket covered the bed. Black as night, dotted with stars on one side. On the other, bright yellow and orange like the rising sun.

"Thank you," she muttered, already shuffling to the bed. "Remember, if it gets too much out there, wake me up, okay?"

"I promise."

"Do..." Sayori yawned. "Do you ever wonder what that festival was like?"

Monika laughed. "We never did go, did we? I need to fix that sometime. Maybe you'll have the day you always wanted. That special day."

"Maybe," Sayori whispered. "I'd like that. One, special day for everyone."

"Sweet dreams, Sayori," Monika said softly, closing the door behind her.

* * *

"Can anyone hear..." she laughs nervously before correcting herself.

"Oops, sorry. I mean, if anyone can read this...crap, that sounded better in my head."

She coughs. "Ahem, anyway, as I was saying. If anyone can read this, I have something important to say to you."

Monika sits at her desk. A stack of paper sits across from her pen, filled with drafts of varying levels of completeness.

Outside, the sky is slowly turning from gray to blue. She always liked a morning sunrise.

"There's a lot of things I want to say, but I'll keep it short this time. I'm sure you all have other things to read, hehehe."

"Writing is not easy. I know I like to give advice about it from time to time, but it doesn't make it any less hard to actually do, you know? Coming up with things to write about is easy. Just give it time, and I'm confident there's all sorts of fresh ideas swimming in your thoughts."

Monika taps the current page with the butt of her pen for emphasis.

"But then when you sit down to put all those thoughts to paper, or a computer screen if that works better, you get stuck. You think to yourself "where do I begin", and before you know it, you put all your time into planning. Planning the next sentence, the next paragraph. Maybe you have some cool descriptions you wanna finalize first."

Monika's stack of paper grows, pages stacking on top of one another where they had not been before. "This one took me a long time to finish, let me tell you. And I've had lots, and lots, and lots of time."

"What I'm trying to say is this: Time's not the problem when it comes to writing a story. Effort is. Maybe you don't have much time in your schedule, a few hours, a few minutes. But if you use your time wisely, it all starts adding up, and before you know it you've got something to read in your hands."

The stack grows taller. Larger and larger, until it peaks above Monika's head.

"But you gotta use that time. use it, and use it well. If you don't, all the time in the world is still not going to fill those pages any faster. We all have times in our lives when we feel like that. That it's all just empty time without substance, no matter what we tell ourselves."

"Remember that dot of ink I talked about? It's a great example. At first, it's as small as a pen's point, one black dot in a sea of white. If the pen sits there, however, that ink's going to drip. Drip and drip until that little dot becomes a puddle of black."

"And when you look into that puddle for too long, it's hard to see a way out. There's too many shapes swimming in that ink blot, too many sharks waiting to jump out and tear you apart."

"Start small. Make a letter, one if you have to. One at a time, the pen moves, making a new stream of ink to follow. Keep it up!"

"Writing is a lot of little things, one line at a time. Don't let that puddle fool your sense of perspective, you'll get there. As long as you don't look too deeply, as long as you keep trying, even when you want to swim down into the darkness. There's always a new piece of paper, always a fresh start."

She looks around her. The dozens of clubrooms, filled with possibilities. There was a mistake in every room, moments of despair so thick it threatened to overwhelm. But there were moments of beauty Monika now saw, circumstances leading to moments she never could have imagined.

In the first, Sayori slept, dreaming of peace and sunshine, and nightmares of bitter cold alike.

In the last, Monika blushed.

"Didn't know you could have that much fun with frosting, hehehe. Have fun girls, time's almost up."

"As for me, I think I'm finally starting to see a light at the end. Maybe not an end, but a new middle, if you'd like. It took me a while to figure it all out, but I know what to do..

"All this time, I tried to work with what this world gave me. Coding, and programs, and assets and sprites. But I'm not a programmer, I'm a writer."

She taps her pen, smearing ink on her nails.

"I've decided to write this all down. Every last thing I can remember. It's all here. All sorts of ideas and situations ready to spring from the page. Sounds romantic, a world full of stories. And I'm a part of that world, as much as anyone else."

"So I wrote myself in here. Wrote new stories with all my friends, and maybe some new ones too. And when it's time, I'll scatter it all to the winds. Let the pages land where they may. Then, I'll have no idea what happens next, and I can't tell you how excited I am to find out."

"Anyway, I think I've let this go on long enough. Next time you see me, I might not remember any of this. But I'll be there, as long as there's someone to read, it's a story worthy of being written."

"But, just in case this doesn't work out..." Monika lets the fear pass over her, just for a moment. "I want to thank you, for reading until the en-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayori's Note: Yes, there's one more chapter to this. It's already done, though! Go check out the epilogue. It's a bit small, but who cares?
> 
> I know, I know, I'm supposed to be sleeping. I'm just pretending for a little bit, I'll fall asleep soon.
> 
> Don't tell Monika.


	5. Another Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayori's Note: Here we are. Our little farewell note to this story. Enjoy!

"What do you want, Sayori?"

The question came again. In her dreams, she couldn't escape the thoughts that swarmed her mind like moths to a flame.

"I want to live!"

Suffer to live. That was the truth. Suffer, so no one else would.

Suffer, so that others might smile when she could not. Cry, so her friend would not.

Live, because there was nothing left.

She wasn't worthy to live, she knew. Nothing she could do would justify her existence, her miserable, worthless flesh fixed to a broken brain.

Every day, she fought for scraps of feelings. Pockets of emotion to bring life to her lifeless husk.

There was nothing else, nothing to die for. Her death would bring only misery to her friends. They were too good for that.

The fighting was hopeless, the victory unwinnable, untouchable.

Too tired to live, too scared to die. Between these extremes, the line she walked was thin indeed.

* * *

"Natsuki, a little help here!"

Yuri's voice came from the oven, loud and uncharacteristically high-pitched.

"What's going on... O, you idiot!"

Natsuki shouted, as soon as she smelled the smoke.

Yuri stood in the kitchen area, frantically filling a pitcher of water. Behind her, a small fire was quickly spreading over the top of the stove. The bowl of frosting lay on its side, half its contents spilled over the counter.

"Damn it, no! Putting water on the fire is just going to make, er, more fire!" She ran over to her friend.

"Wait, what? Fire plus water, equals vapor, right? That's how it usually works." Yuri flailed her hands, unsure what to do.

Natsuki sighed, swatting away the pitcher. She quickly dug through the cupboards for the baking soda.

"This is what I get for taking a pee break, huh?" she grumbled as she poured the bag over the pan.

"Sorry, sorry!" Yuri clutched at her arm to keep her hands from shaking.

"It's fine. You worry too much."

* * *

The pen struck paper, drawing a jagged line through the words.

Crossed out. Erased.

A hand tore the page away. "Too dark, too dark."

* * *

A boy, troubled with indecision stares at a loss for words. She stood beside him, tears streaking down her face, rain and salt mixing, splashing, dripping on her slippers.

She should have brought warmer clothes. The last thing he needed was a sick friend, in more ways than one.

She was an idiot, after all.

He said nothing. Hesitating, he hugs a little warmth back into her bones.

She shivers all the same.

* * *

The girl with black hair looked at the poster on the wall again.

"Someone's desperate for members," she mused. "Would've figured a lit club would be popular."

She considered it. "Maybe later. Still have some time before the festival starts."

"Yeah, I got time."

* * *

Monika frowned. "Why do I feel so distracted lately? Writing a poem shouldn't be this hard."

It had been a trying day. "Natsuki had come in late with a bruise on her shoulder. The signs were all there. She didn't look up from the floor, even when the members spoke to her. She refused to meet their gazes.

Natsuki retreated to her desk.

When Monika tried to talk to her, the younger girl kept her replies short.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it? We're your friends, you can always..."

"Leave me alone!" she flipped through another page.

Monika knew, they all did. Something at home was hurting her. She had been the first to join.

Sayori wasn't much help, though she tried. She stayed by her desk for a time, asking about the manga she read with all the enthusiasm she could muster.

Predictably, the attempt made her already short temper a minefield Sayori wasn't equipped to handle.

Yuri hadn't shown up that day.

And he'd not shown himself. Not after yesterday.

The day he'd announced his resignation from the Literature Club, not even a week after he'd joined.

"I get the feeling I don't fit in," he'd said. "You all have your own space here, I don't want to get in the way of that."

"Damn it," Monika hissed under her breath. "It's all falling apart. If I can just finish this poem, maybe I can keep us going."

Outside Monika's window, the stars shine bright in a moonless sky.

* * *

"Is there something on your mind, Miss Yuki?"

The therapist looked up from her notes with a neutral expression.

"It's nothing new," the girl shook her head. "Just the same thing."

"Please, go walk me through it again. I know it might feel like you're doing the same thing, over and over. But it helps to keep your thoughts in order. Maybe it will help to clear your mind of negative patterns."

Sayori sighed. "Sure. It's a Sunday night. It's cold, and I don't know why I'm here. I feel depressed again, I'm alone on a weekend and all my friends seem to be doing something important."

"This was the day before the festival, is that right?"

"Yeah, just before the festival. I feel guilty, I've not been to the Literature Club for a few days now. I'm cold, and I'm tired, and right then I felt like a waste. Then... I see him there, with Yuri."

"And by "him", you mean your neighbor, right?"

Sayori clenched her fists on her lap, poorly hiding her frustration. "Mhmm. And I remember what he said to me. He said..."

"I know what's best for you."

The therapist motions for her to continue.

"I know he's trying to say the right thing, to stop me from making a terrible mistake. But I want to know. I know he's not ready, but I want to know what I am to him. A friend, or something more?"

"You felt a need to be validated, that's not a bad thing. You've been through a lot, Sayori. You deserve your own happiness." The therapist smiled softly.

Her heart pounded in her chest, the tide of self-hatred that sloshed around her thoughts, freezing like Arctic water.

He..." she takes a breath. "He doesn't answer. Instead, he says..."

* * *

"I'll stay with you," I tell her, holding her as tightly as I can. She's cold under my arms.

"I don't deserve this. I'm not worth it, Naoto."

"Of course you do. You're the most thoughtful, caring person I've ever known. I won't give up on you."

"But...what about Yuri?" she looks up at me, eyes red and swollen.

"What about her, dummy?" I force a smile, trying to inject as much sincerity as I could. "I'll text her, she'll understand."

"I'll stay with you, Sayori. Make sure you get some food and a good night's sleep for the festival tomorrow."

"Even if I go to the festival, it won't make me happy, you know?" her voice already sounds so lost. "Maybe I'll have a good day, but it won't change me."

"It'll be a start. As long as we keep going, as long as there's life to live, it's never too late to change."

I'm not usually one for hokey speeches, but I know, deep down within me she needs to hear this.

"I know I can be insensitive sometimes. I call you names, I tease you, I try to cheer you up in a bad way. So, I know I'm not very good at this," I squeeze her hand as tightly as I can. "But please don't give up on living, Sayori. You have friends that will be there for you."

She sniffles, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, leaving streaks of rain where her hands touch her skin.

"I wish you were still hear, Naoto. I don't know how I can go on without you..." her voice is shaking, barely intelligible over the sounds of the rain.

"I know," I hug her again, for the last time. "I wish I could stay to help you get through this. I want to see you smile when all the rain clouds are gone. But until then, there's something you need to know. When I'm gone, don't throw your life away just because I gave up mine."

Already I can feel it, the fog's touch numbing my skin. There isn't long left for me. Someone must go before the day of the festival.

"Even when it's too much, when you don't feel a thing. Sayori, even when it feels like there's nothing left to live for...there's always another day. Another day to laugh, another day to cry, to smile, to be angry, to hate yourself, to love someone, to be there for a friend when they are for you. As long as you live, there's always another chance to be the person you want to be."

Sayori woke in her bed. her sheets were cold with sweat, her heart racing with fear as she woke to another day. But her lips were warm where he'd kissed her.

She cried her eyes red before she left for school.

* * *

"Hey, I said enough with the icing!" Natsuki squealed. "You're wasting perfectly good cupcakes!"

Yuri grinned, biting her ear, careful to lick off the sugar.

"Mm, I think this tastes better, don't you?"

Natsuki blushed, her apron was a mess. "I swear you're the worst baker I've ever seen. Monika's not going to be happy when she finds out we screwed up the cupcakes, you know?" Natsuki scowled. "It's all your fault, we could've had this done hours ago."

Yuri laughed, feeling self-conscious. "Sorry. Things have been a little stressful around here. I wanted to relax, therapy was hard to deal with."

Natsuki softened. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's hard, but I think I'm making some progress."

* * *

Monika scribbled in her notes. "It's funny, I always thought of life as a series of goals. If you have a goal, a path to follow, you'll never get lost along the way. But goals always have an end in sight, a place to go, a task to finish."

She shook her head, staring back at the puddle of ink on the page. "But maybe that was the problem all along. Life doesn't have happy endings..."

In the ink blot, new shapes swam in its depths.

* * *

When Sayori left the house that morning, she felt no urge to look at the house next door.

It was just another house, mundane and unmemorable. In the bed she knew, there was no body lying there.

The fourth day had come again, and she was relieved.

She walked to school with a brisk pace. She'd overslept, but not by much.

* * *

The girl with black hair smirked. Down the hall, two girls were laughing, chasing each other so early in the morning.

Miyuki yawned. Even on the day of the festival, the school was quiet an hour before it opened.

She wondered if they'd stayed through the night. All alone, two girls in a clubroom together.

She grinned, seemed fun.

She, of course had her own methods. In her backpack, a well-used coil of chain sat between her books and a roll of duct tape.

Gates were easy to climb if you had practice. She enjoyed wandering through empty buildings and crowdless streets.

"Wait, didn't I see the taller girl going out of that lit club once?"

* * *

_44 clubs, damaged with heartbreak._

_44 suicides, all named Monika._

_12 times a knife found its mark._

_21 days when the sun set on a shouting match._

_11 times a father's abuse left their scars._

_3 ways a group fell apart._

_Twice, a group found comfort in lust._

_31 times Sayori stayed in bed._

_196 days of struggle, happiness, and sadness._

* * *

On the last day, Monika found her answer.

"Okay, everyone! I've got an announcement to make."

The president's voice rang through Sayori's ears. She shook her head, half-asleep.

Yuri looked up from her book, annoyed. She was so close to the ending.

Natsuki finished organizing her manga just in time to hear her. She had nothing better to do.

"Girls, I know we've got a festival today. But I've got something I want to say first."

"Yeah, a festival we don't want to go to in the first place," Natsuki grumbled.

"I've noticed," Monika sighed.

Sayori yawned. "I wouldn't mind going. It could be fun!"

"I know it's been a hard week for everyone."

"That's an understatement if I've heard one," Yuri snarked between pages.

Monika gritted her teeth. "It's been a very hard week for every-"

"It's about the same for me!" Sayori mused.

"Real shit show for me," Natsuki added.

"Alright, it's been a very, very long week for all of us! So that's why I wanted to sa-"

There came a knock at the door.

"For the love of... What!"

The girls looked at the door in confusion. "Did someone want to see us?" Yuri wondered. "We never get visitors."

Sayori was the first to leave her chair to check.

She cracked the door to see who their visitor was.

"Heya, you guys lookin' for a new member?"

A girl in black hair poked her head out from the hall. She spoke with confidence, brown eyes gleaming with a hint of mischief.

"Oh, uh, hi!" Sayori waved. "Did you come to see our club?"

The girl grinned. "Sure did. But uh, is this a bad time?"

"Oh yeah, I think our president was about to give a speech or something. If you could come back in five minutes, that would be great!" Sayori smiled.

"Hahaha, sure. No prob," the girl laughed, closing the door behind her.

Sayori walked back to her desk with a spring in her step.

"What was that all about?" Natsuki asked with a guarded expression.

"Oh, nothing. They got the wrong club. So what were you about to say, Miss President?"

Monika frowned. "Thought that was a new member for a second? Ah well, never mind. Anyway, before I get any more interruptions..." she looked around the classroom for emphasis.

"Look, I know we've got a festival today, but that's not why I wanted to have your attention. It's been a hard week for everyone. And I know I've not been making it any easier on you girls."

"I...have a hard time getting how people work. There's something about other people that just seems so messy to me. It's hard to understand how to feel about it, but I want to. I want to understand, so this is kind of a work in progress for me."

Monika fidgeted in her seat.

"I always thought of life as a series of goals. Goals that would lead to an end. You can fight it all you want, find new goals, struggle to make your dreams come true, but there's an end for all of us. And when that time came, I always wanted to be the smart one, the successful one. I wanted to prove to everyone, and myself that I accomplished something."

"But I forgot something in the middle of all my plans and poems and ideas about the future."

"What's that, your sense of fun?" Natsuki snarked. "You're always so serious Monika."

The president blushed. "Well, that's not exactly it..."

"Your poem?" Yuri giggled. "You haven't made one all week."

"I, um..."

"Oh, I know!" Sayori grinned. "Your cookies, for your best vice president!"

"No, yes, and maybe, in that order, she said. "But most of all, I forgot why I started this club to begin with."

"I wanted to make this a place where everyone could express themselves in a unique way. Where we could all go when the day's over, to just write about ourselves and have some time to be us. I was so focused on what I wanted this club to be, I didn't realize it was already the place I wanted."

Monika put away her pen and paper. "So I just want to tell you all, I'm sorry about how I've acted. And I'm resigning as president. I'm done trying to tell you how to express yourselves. You're already everything this club needs."

The girls stared at her in surprise, Sayori most of all.

"I just wish I had figured that out already. It would've saved me a lot of time. But yes, I'm not going to be your president anymore. From now on, we'll run this club as a group."

There came a second, louder knock on the door. Before anyone had time to open it, the black-haired girl already turned the knob.

"Then this is definitely up my alley. Democracy all the way, baby!"

Monika looked at the newcomer. She was on the short side, taller than Natsuki, but couldn't reach Yuri's chin. Her hair was cut short, barely reaching her neck.

Her uniform wasn't any different from the other girls', though the piercing on her lip clearly marked her out, as did the black jacket that hung loosely from her shoulders.

She waved. "Sup. Name's Miyuki. I was gonna go to the festival, but didn't wanna deal with all the weirdos. Saw the sign you left yesterday, so uh, yeah. You mind having me? Promise I'll not be a pain."

The Literature Club was silent.

"Oh uh, sorry was that too much?" Miyuki blushed.

Monika laughed. "No no," she waved a hand to try and disperse the mood. "That's why we were going to go out to the festival, we needed another member. but if you want to join, that's great!"

She grinned, holding out a hand to shake.

Miyuki grinned back, relieved. "Oh, cool. Reading's always been my jam, it's nice to just put on some headphones and zone out with a good story, you know?"

Sayori glanced at the newcomer. "Literature is pretty fun, wen you're in the right mood!" She ran up to hug her. "Welcome to the club!"

Miyuki seemed surprised as she was suddenly assaulted with an unexpectedly warm hug.

Monika looked at the newcomer again. "Wait a minute, were you listening in on us?"

Miyuki nodded, seemingly unphased. "Yup! Listened through the walls, this school really needs to have better soundproofing."

Natsuki nodded. "Oh you do that too, thought I was the only one. I'm Natsuki. The peppy girl who likes to steal our cookies is Sayori. The shy, emo girl over there is Yuri. And the other emo girl is Monika."

Yuri and Monika glared at her simultaneously. "Hey, I'm not shy!"

"You weren't shy about messing with my cupcakes. What good are cupcakes without frosting! And cat ears!"

Miyuki glanced between Natsuki and Yuri with a raised brow. "Well, this club looks pretty fun, I think I'll give it a go."

Monika breathed a sigh of relief. "Now we have enough to keep the Literature Club running. That's a weight off my shoulders."

"Finally! I've waited so long for something like this!" Sayori cheered.

Monika winked. "Me too.

"So what do ya guys usually do?" Miyuki found an empty seat next to Yuri. "I've got plenty of books on here," she produced a black tablet with skulls on the casing.

"Uh, legally acquired, of course."

"Well, we usually write poems and trade stories." Monika answered. "It's been a busy week, we've not gotten many poems out."

"And I think we're all too out of it to try the festival," Yuri added with a glum expression.

"We don't have to go as a club. We can just go as a group you know?" Sayori suggested, rubbing at her eyes. " I mean, there'll be food, and games, and stuff to do, right? Let's just have fun. That's what I want, anyway."

Natsuki laughed. "You can get so sappy sometimes Sayori. But yeah, I'm game."

Monika thought about it for a moment. "if you girls want to go, I'll come too. Maybe we should all get out and have some fresh air."

"I was gonna go solo, but if you guys wanna come, I need to do something first." Miyuki began rummaging through her bag.

"Well, um," Yuri squirmed. "I'm... not so good with crowds."

"Oh don't worry you big baby, I'll hold your hand the whole time," Natsuki teased, swatting her on the butt with one of her manga.

"You're the worst, you know that?" she growled.

"Ah, here we go!" Miyuki grinned, holding a pin between her thumb and index finger.

"Just gimme five minutes. The halls should be empty enough to get some snacks, be right back!"

"Hey, wait a minute..." Monika jumped from her chair, realizing what the newest club member had in mind. "NO one in my club gets to be a thief!" she ran after her just as Miyuki dashed out of the classroom.

"Our club, silly!" Sayori called from her desk.

Yuri laughed. "Well, she's a strange one."

"Said the knife girl to the tsundere," Natsuki observed. "We're all a little weird here if you haven't noticed."

"Good weird, or bad weird?" Yuri couldn't help but wonder out loud, all too conscious of what her long sleeves hid.

"I think we'll be okay," Sayori said.

The two girls looked at her curiously.

Sayori shrugged. "Sure we have our own problems to deal with, but it could be a lot worse."

A dark look appeared on her face, but only for a moment. She shook her head.

"Monika's stepping down as president. I think I'm doing better, my nightmares aren't so bad any more. Yuri's going to therapy, right?"

"Uh, yeah. It's hard, but I'm still going," she admitted.

"What about you, Natsuki?"

Yuri looked at her friend with concern. "Are you okay?"

Natsuki smiled, even if it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm okay. I still have you all here, and I've got all my manga now safe where I can read them. But I always hate going back to my house..."

Sayori ran over to hug the shorter girl, messy apron and all.

Natsuki stiffened, instinctively wanting to push her away, but restrained herself.

Yuri hesitated for only a moment.

The two girls hugged their friend as tightly as they could.

"As long as I have this club, and my friends are here," Natsuki's smile warmed as she accepted the support. "It's like I'm always home."

The three savored the moment.

There were no doubts, no anxiety, no second thoughts to cloud their friendship. Even if it was doomed not to last, it reaffirmed Sayori's belief.

If every day was clouded with rain, it was worth it just to see that ray of sunshine. There was always another day.

"Well, I got something else I always wanted," Natsuki giggled.

Sayori was the first to pull away. "And what would that be?"

"He he, I always wanted another girl in the club."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayori's Note: Open endings sure are fun. The End.

**Author's Note:**

> To Be Continued.


End file.
